Little Black Book

INTRODUCTION Disclaimer: I do not intend to make this book resemble any other book be it catcher in the rye or naked or any other book, i want to write this because i want to write but it will mostly will have no time line no structure it will be just a bunch of incidents which changed me which gave me new perspective on things, people who came into my life who left who stayed and the mark they left on me. People generally begin by talking about their childhood and stuff, but my childhood is all in a bunch of haze, like a walk one takes early in the morning on the side walk, with the fog clearing up with each passing step but only till there, and i intend to do that, keep walkin keep looking and come across pebbles which i kick, stumble upon them fall down get scrapped but like any guy who knows what it takes to make it to the top is just the simle fact to pick yourself up wheever you stumble or get your knee scrapped, its all about getting back on your two feet and walking, though som...

hmm... everybody has their set of Queer habits, i know i do and thats why am writing it, brilliant aint I??? Anyway i have a list as big as-well there jus aint anything to which you can either compare it to either in the sheer # of them of in their weirdness, I think thats what makes me believe am human when everybody else says am not. Am really not into writing and shit but hey what the hell... am bored... =p Anyway it really amazes me as to how certain people get wired out or just cant explain as to why certain people do certain things, i mean they just do it, i had a guy living in my hostel who used shuffle his feet so often like he was doing salsa or something, and the worst part was he used to try and act as if nothing happened. I mean sure if you are like dash the kid from the movie incredibles you can get away with it, you know too fast to notice kinds, but nooo this guy used to do it in slow motion sequences like in movies where the guy is actually moving really fast but he is ...

Funny aint it... I mean women and secrets they are like black and white, ying and yang. Ok for the people who haven been able to the see the funny side of the topic, let me enlighten you. Women cannot keep a secret for their life, they are like a leaky pot (pun intended), I mean sure the women can find solace in the fact that they were hard wired to talk and stuff, but the fact that women tend to talk about secrets in their lives and in more importantly in others life with such gutso is such a piss off. I mean trust me, never scorn a woman who knows shit about you, they will make sure they take hold of the trp ratings when it comes delivering the news to people you have warned her specifically not to tell. Wait hold on second, that is just about a guy pissing off a girl and the implications, i mean sure the secrets came out and they made gettin out of your house and meeting people but you soon realise the futilty and people really do tend to forget shit about others cos there shit k...

Ok, its time for some ego massage now, not that i have much of an ego considering the way i get pushed around by all sorts of people and their schools of thought. And presenting to you the only photo in which i look everything else other than me... and that being somebody sober, pensive and most importantly goodlooking. Ok, you have to agree i donot look like the usual stoned self which i look like normally, not that i am stoned all the time, its just that i look stoned all the time, get the difference? Nevermind if you did not get the difference. This picture was taken when i was trying look like something cant recollect the exact expression i was trying to master, but hey who cares the picture came out real good, though the person who took the picture would like to mentioned here, i am not gonna do that. Why? if you haven realised am trying to massage my non-existential ego (wink...wink) But this how i usually look like when am not smiling.... Stoned out of my senses, i wonder why? i...

Yea i know, most of you must be thinking what the hell is wrong with him, but like i said if a man aint secure enough about his sexuality he will refrain from talking about certain things and i aint one of them. So let me run a list of men i find HOT!!! * Will Smith From the days of " Fresh Prince of Bel Air " till in pursuit of happiness, this guy still manages to make me go " Dude I wanna BE him" i mean this guy is such a bundle of talent, from the super cool guy played in independence day and bad boys, to the serious role he portrays with such conviction in pursuit of happiness, and with the mean ryhmes he churns out when he plays the MC, awesome... This guy is THE MAN... i wouldn't be suprised if actually goes and runs for presidency and actually wins it. This guy has got it all, looks, brains, brialliant sense of humor, charisma you name it and he has it. My man ranks all the way on top. * Johnny Depp Well apart from him being a geminian like myself, this ...

Its suprising that a normal night of fun can actually be so much fun, you do not need a whole bunch of people, just another person who understands what you say and can engage in a stimulating conversation. And this is exactly what happened last night, a night of pure unadultered fun. Started out with me kicking some royal ass in a mean game of Blech, and then some bantering around over a cup of coffee and then couple of mins fluff talking about what to do in the night, and then go for a round of drinks and laughing it out like a trip to the lunatic asylum is long overdue, singing songs and talking about commonalites, then get back home and pop in movies, start of with "10 things i hate about you", yes i have a thing about Rom-Coms, i love them, they give me hope and make think that true love is out there for you to go and find it, gives me hope in the fact that serendipty exists and there is hope for nice guys like me not to get screwed over by women. And after we done with ...

Ok before i begin to describe the shitty feeling of being constipated i just wanna say that am feeling shitty at the moment and i wanna write something funny to divert my mind from the harsh realites of life. ( I think all funny people do that, even though i have non-existential humor which lotsa people like to say is pathetic to my credit i jus wanna say am making an effort. ) Ok so lets get started, all those who have read the very first blog, know my connection with constipation. Well what i intend to do is tell how i feel about it. Well the answer is simple, me not able to shit on a regular basis as the rest of humanity doesn suprise or scare me or doesn bother me about some impending medical condition. I have known people who also suffer from it and boy do they make a big fuss about it, why is it that people need to panic if nature did not call them at a time when it should have, its not like you are nature's mistress and awaiting word from it. And i think you can say a lot a...

Well i know Betty from Archie's is ideal woman not just for me but for millions of nice guys out there who grew up reading about archie and his stupid antic's ( Ok there will be a section in the audience who will wanna counter me on being a nice guy). But you know what i realised in the past couple of years and 4 girls later, dreams is so dis-jointed from reality, i mean true time and time again people keep telling each other to loosen up their search criteria, but damn what should people do who don't have a search criteria. I mean all i want my girl to be is too look decent, i really don give a flying rats ass if she is fat or anorexic, i prefer the former to the latter, have a thing for women with glasses and weird teeth, yea call me weird, but am just looking out for the girl next door, you know in a T-shirt, hair tied up in a pony tail with whom i can call her out for a game of cricket or basket ball, and let her win if she really sucks at it not before i try and act al...

The past week was solely dedicated to random-arbit fun, not the one-nite stands type, but you know something like the musscle man kind. Here is the break-down: Orkut: When you are working ( or are expected to work ) but you really aren, Orkut is like what monica was for Bill. No seriously, though i always used to wonder, how guys can be loser enough ( i agree we are losers and morons ) to send scraps like " can i have phrandsheep with you? " i used to look for the nearest wall to go bang my head. But then i realised that I ll never know what kick these people get in scrapping to random girls, who may be potential stalkers who may pose a threat to you, considering the fact that it is so bloody damn difficult to get a restraining order in india. So what do I do? start writing scraps saying " why the rum is all gone ??? " Now if you are among the majority of the population, who went HUH? when you read it, well its a dialogue from my movie " pirates of the carrie...

I shake my booty in much more pathetic way than this. But i wasn't always this bad. Back in school I used to dance, atleast i did not give a fuck about other people back then. This was long before i got conscious about the way i used to move and i developed rigidity and realised that i do have bones for joints and not rubber. But then all this fell flat one day at the club when some mean ass bitch ( i respect a woman enough not to call her this but then every rule has its exception, and she was def one of them ). And this female humilitated me so bad that i have shrunk myself into oblivion in my "am-not dancing shell" . But then, the futility of this attitude came to the fore when i went to the club with my lady love. I am cool with dancing real close its when the distance creeps in between and am supposed to move my now expanding booty with no finite boundary in sight that i feel so vulnerable. More vulnerable than when i first started practicin nudism ( yes i do practis...

There are a lot of things people think define, it ranges from the latest handset they carry around, or the amount of horse power one has under the hood, or the explosion of pink for some ladies or anything chocolatey in that manner, seems to define them. Well you can extrapolate these to further areas, like the kind of movies or tv sitcoms they watch or the songs they listen to. But for everybody there is some quirky materialistic material which will conjured in front of their family members or friends flashes the image of the person who is associated with these things. And am not exception to this rule either. So here are they ladies and gentlemen, the list of things that is so totally me. Which my friends and all others who have had the misfortune of casting their glances on my way repeatedly have come to associate these things with me. Without much further ado, here are they. 1. Converse shoes : Yup! these very same pair of shoes, i have been seeing them in my dreams since i was in...

I don't think a lot of people in India ( esp Women ) really know about Neil Strauss ( touted to be the greatest Pickup Artsit in the world) or his book. But there is a rising # of men all over the world who will swear that Mystery is God, and then there are others who will swear by juggler. So what is all this about. Well all over the world there is a growing number of disgruntled nice men, who are sick and tired of hearing women say " Lets just be friends " or " I always thought of you as my brother ". Well its not the men's fault that the women they crave for, or the women they hear cribbing to them about all the jerks who have ruined their life and the lack of nice men in this world completely ignoring the fact that they are pouring their heart out to one. Well so there began a silent movement nothing short of a revolution where men spent studying the female psyche and trying to find out the motherload of all questions " WHAT WOMEN WANT?". Th...

True am not that conventionally old, but I think old age is setting in, how am i saying such an absurd thing, well for starters: 1. I don't feel like getting up in the morning and playing basketball like the way i used in school and college. Back in the day, used to wake up at 3 and play basketball till 8 in the morning and then again go playing in the evening from 4 till whenever the sun allowed us to play. Now, I wince from the very thought of dragging my sorry ass ( tummy ) from one end of the court to another. I no longer consider sweat dripping down my face as something cool, it only irritates me further on cause it makes me get in touch with water when i have to wash my face, even worse take bath... yuck!. 2. I can no longer eat and drink from roadside stalls, my immune system is beginning to fail me, I was lead to believe that my immune system has been conditioned by the many years spent studying Kendriya Vidyalaya ( one of the finest educational institutions this country ha...

Yea I mean its been really long time since I just sat at home and din do much, I mean not that i was flooded with options and choices and I just shut down. No sir, the situation arose cause of a state sponsered bandh, so that more or less blew out the candle in the wind enthu I was carrying forward from friday when the awesome news that cause of some fuckol RBI shit, I wouldn't be getting salary, not till wednesday, so that makes this month too be a 35 day long month, fucking irony when you consider the last month to be the shortest in the whole year. Hmm... I told you that I am finally beginning to grow old, talking about money and shit. Damn, miss the days when I used to go flick some loose change from the table and go spend on some classy centre fresh before i start my run up and deliver some pain inflicting deliveries on whoever is the miserable soul at the batting end. Ok, ( bitch slapping myself ) " Snap out of it Dude ". Anyway, off late me been asked to answer t...

Ok, its suprising enough that there are people who actually find time to read this blog, though these are handful in #, what is even more suprising is the fact that there have been shouts for me to take up writing seriously. But the question is should I do something like that? I think not, for me writing is all about having fun, and so are all the things which I love doing, whether its musing about the non-linear dynamics, hanging out with friends, sarging, its all about having fun. But when somebody starts expecting me to do something, there are expectations bound to it, and these maybe voiced implicitly or explicitly. And as Buddha says " A man's suffering arises from 2 things and 2 things only, Ignorance and Greed". Which I total agree with. Though there are people who don't get the full implications of this profound statement, their argument being, " where does a person suffering from a terminal ill-ness figure in any of this ? ". Well its simple ain...

I have been told that there does exist a funny bone in my body, and it lies below my belt. Anyway for all the people who seriously don find any work to do, or generally don treat work as god ( fine, i agree not everybody can be me, but still... =p ) . There was a time when we guys used to write essays about " Television being a boon or a bane ". Am sure the next generation, ( I wonder which generation I belong to though ) will be writing " Orkut: boon or bane? " . No I mean seriously, its an addiction, I wanna be flooded with scraps, which do not feature here: " hi... ssup? " " wat you doing da? hows life?" "long time no see " Though unlike women who don't wanna see a scrap saying " can I have phrandsheep with you? " or " nice pic, can v be frnds? ". I would love to see something like that from a women. Let me make it clear I have mentioned women, as in the female species and do not want fags to be scrapping me. ...

Yes, thats a tattoo, and yes it most definitely is on my body part the last time I checked when I took a bath...( erm... that would be today morning ) ( ok and now you may close your mouth, I have been taking bath quite often that too on a regular frequency, so shut up and change the expression from the look of suprise to something more _____ jus fill in the blanks ) Anyway, I noticed that people no longer notice the excessive smoking or the stream of holy scriptures i spew at the drop of a hat, which gives Eminem a run for his money ( Hey! I din say i rhyme, though i did give it a shot, but that's a totally different story ) Anyway for all you people who are wondering which part of my body it is, and am just answering this Question to appease all you horny perverts out there. It's on my forearm. Did somebody just wet their pants? Yea! I think so, cause a lot of women think a tattoo is " oh so cool" " so sexy" and I just feel like taking out my ________ ( ...

Off-late thats been like a weeks time, I have been seriously been giving thought, of joining the army, I mean its a totally different issue that this phase of me seriously joining the army comes in when I (a) Don't have many options in front of me (b) there are jus way too many options i need to do a pros and cons for. Dad was in the army, and I more or less loved the army lifestyle, it is one which has got no parallels in the civil life. You name it and the army def has it. But that is not one of the concerns which is actually stopping me from joining the army. I mean I know that I can take the physical rigors, all the stays in military hospital and hearing the cadets talk about the ass whooping the got from the subedar major, or the senior, who doesn't like you. And am definitely not afraid of fighting in wars I think they are cool. You are forgetting am still a boy who loves to play with toys, ( ok shut up you perverts). But what does concern me is the fact that, will I tur...

Well I was bored... As usual. So me was just reading some random blogs and I came across this fundo site www.howtobeahero.com . So me took up the test of 20 objective questions and the results ( not sure about the truth but sure does give an excellent ego massage ) So this is what it said for me... You are a Warrior! You're tough, courageous, and up to your eyebrows in chutzpah ( Now if it says so am not gonna fight over it ). If you're still in school, your teachers probably talk a lot about your "potential." ( can't recollect the number of times this has been conveyed to my folks in the numerous PTA meetings). If you work, your boss calls you a "pro-active self-starter," whatever that means ( since the results aren't sure of itself I aint gonna say anything ). You don't shy away from hard work, that's for sure ( yea, its a nice challenge to find new ways to work but not exactly work) . When it comes to leisure, you'd rather be out ...

Disclaimer: Its ok, if you begin to think am a pansy fucker after this post. Don't really give a fuck. Me Lion of Sparta! Fuck off! =p Anyway, on a boring tuesday night in office with absolutely no work to do, and my sleep being disturbed by the almost irritating sound of the others playing carrom in office ( its more like a club i should say, calling it a office would be disgraceful for this club). I began reading this totally fundo comic strip called Fart Party. Its about this girl Julia and her take on everyday life, and I gotta tell you she is funny, and what is even more funny is her response to comments left by readers like me. Hilarious. Word of caution, if you are of the weak hearted kind, and are not prone to liberal doasge of fuck words, blood, gore, violence stay away from this. Psst: get a life! Anyway, so she was talking about the embarrassing shit she has done in her life, and I thought let me do the same. And these would be the choicest and the juice dripping feed yo...