Little Black Book

INTRODUCTION Disclaimer: I do not intend to make this book resemble any other book be it catcher in the rye or naked or any other book, i want to write this because i want to write but it will mostly will have no time line no structure it will be just a bunch of incidents which changed me which gave me new perspective on things, people who came into my life who left who stayed and the mark they left on me. People generally begin by talking about their childhood and stuff, but my childhood is all in a bunch of haze, like a walk one takes early in the morning on the side walk, with the fog clearing up with each passing step but only till there, and i intend to do that, keep walkin keep looking and come across pebbles which i kick, stumble upon them fall down get scrapped but like any guy who knows what it takes to make it to the top is just the simle fact to pick yourself up wheever you stumble or get your knee scrapped, its all about getting back on your two feet and walking, though som...

hmm... everybody has their set of Queer habits, i know i do and thats why am writing it, brilliant aint I??? Anyway i have a list as big as-well there jus aint anything to which you can either compare it to either in the sheer # of them of in their weirdness, I think thats what makes me believe am human when everybody else says am not. Am really not into writing and shit but hey what the hell... am bored... =p Anyway it really amazes me as to how certain people get wired out or just cant explain as to why certain people do certain things, i mean they just do it, i had a guy living in my hostel who used shuffle his feet so often like he was doing salsa or something, and the worst part was he used to try and act as if nothing happened. I mean sure if you are like dash the kid from the movie incredibles you can get away with it, you know too fast to notice kinds, but nooo this guy used to do it in slow motion sequences like in movies where the guy is actually moving really fast but he is ...

Seems like two opposite poles don they, i mean if you gonna go by the usual talk of practicaility then sure dreams are something which never happens and reality is what is happening, dreams everything seems picture perfect but that doesn happen in reality. But this isn about me ranting about how it sucks that both of them are like 2 parallel lines which seems like they will never meet. This is a post which is detailing how i feel, about the few times in ones life does a person feel so certain about something that its almost blindsizing, man is a creature of doubt and he takes refuge in realism, but am talkin about those moments when you are so damn sure about what you wanna do that the dreams are no longer dreams and reality is no longer anything differnet from a dream cos everything seems so surreal. It may range for different people from the kind of job they wanna do to what they wanna learn or the person they gonna fall in love with. And once they realise that 2 things can happen.....

Funny aint it... I mean women and secrets they are like black and white, ying and yang. Ok for the people who haven been able to the see the funny side of the topic, let me enlighten you. Women cannot keep a secret for their life, they are like a leaky pot (pun intended), I mean sure the women can find solace in the fact that they were hard wired to talk and stuff, but the fact that women tend to talk about secrets in their lives and in more importantly in others life with such gutso is such a piss off. I mean trust me, never scorn a woman who knows shit about you, they will make sure they take hold of the trp ratings when it comes delivering the news to people you have warned her specifically not to tell. Wait hold on second, that is just about a guy pissing off a girl and the implications, i mean sure the secrets came out and they made gettin out of your house and meeting people but you soon realise the futilty and people really do tend to forget shit about others cos there shit k...

Everybody who has a father (who has been present thru their formative years), knows his importance in shaping his/her perspective on everything. Well i wouldn know what it is to have a father who tells you what is right or wrong. Well i do have a father but i guess somethings look and sound good better on paper than in reality, more like our cricket team. My first recollections of me and my father were those rides on his lamby scooter which is more or less now a caricature of its past glory days. But those are like the silver linings in the dark clouds which come with the storm and shatters every window in its wake cause of its intensity. Well the storm did arrive, and boy was it violent. Its funny to think how people can be stupid enough to associate certain happenings with certain people, and my dad did jus that, he associated his not gettin into the IIMs back then was because of me, and soon this feeling was replaced by physical beatings. And he put me through such physical excersis...

You know right now the song which is struck in my head is elvis singing " Are You Lonesome Tonight ?" and the answer is what any many with 2 dicks will say when the tailor asks him left or right? and the answer being "YES". Its suprising how many people actually are lonely even when they are surrounded by so many of their freinds and it just kills them knwing that there is no one who can actually understand how they feel, what is further more suprising how these people (ok fine, i ll admit it, people like me) tend to find reasons to wake up every morning and take part in this charade called life. I admit being a guy kinda leaves me with a handicap on articulating my emotions and only in the lonely confines of my room can i shed these tears which are on the brink of falling down but it takes whole new level of tolerance to bear the pain the lump in your throat causes to you, I mean a lump in my ass or any physical pain for that matter is way better than the the pain...

Ok, its time for some ego massage now, not that i have much of an ego considering the way i get pushed around by all sorts of people and their schools of thought. And presenting to you the only photo in which i look everything else other than me... and that being somebody sober, pensive and most importantly goodlooking. Ok, you have to agree i donot look like the usual stoned self which i look like normally, not that i am stoned all the time, its just that i look stoned all the time, get the difference? Nevermind if you did not get the difference. This picture was taken when i was trying look like something cant recollect the exact expression i was trying to master, but hey who cares the picture came out real good, though the person who took the picture would like to mentioned here, i am not gonna do that. Why? if you haven realised am trying to massage my non-existential ego (wink...wink) But this how i usually look like when am not smiling.... Stoned out of my senses, i wonder why? i...

Well the picture says it all doesn it. My love affair with the cancer stick started in december 01, and it has continued till now, and i loved every single moment i spent with it. It had everything i can ever expect of a girl. From the strong fragrance, which mentally stimulated my senses, eased my thoughts when i went in my trademark brain fucking sessions, even though I knew it is gonna fuck me up like any other girl later on, I was jus in too much in love with it. It was what certain people like to refer as addiction and what i would love to term it as obsession. I started not because of peer preasure or any other whole load of crap people generally talk about. It was the chemistry few people experience in their lifetime with somebody else. Its touch, the feel, the kiss.... everything about it was soooo perfect. I never had to bother about not paying too much attention, or be dejected that it wasn't there when i need it the most cause it is just too busy to find time for me. F...

Yea i know, most of you must be thinking what the hell is wrong with him, but like i said if a man aint secure enough about his sexuality he will refrain from talking about certain things and i aint one of them. So let me run a list of men i find HOT!!! * Will Smith From the days of " Fresh Prince of Bel Air " till in pursuit of happiness, this guy still manages to make me go " Dude I wanna BE him" i mean this guy is such a bundle of talent, from the super cool guy played in independence day and bad boys, to the serious role he portrays with such conviction in pursuit of happiness, and with the mean ryhmes he churns out when he plays the MC, awesome... This guy is THE MAN... i wouldn't be suprised if actually goes and runs for presidency and actually wins it. This guy has got it all, looks, brains, brialliant sense of humor, charisma you name it and he has it. My man ranks all the way on top. * Johnny Depp Well apart from him being a geminian like myself, this ...

Its suprising that a normal night of fun can actually be so much fun, you do not need a whole bunch of people, just another person who understands what you say and can engage in a stimulating conversation. And this is exactly what happened last night, a night of pure unadultered fun. Started out with me kicking some royal ass in a mean game of Blech, and then some bantering around over a cup of coffee and then couple of mins fluff talking about what to do in the night, and then go for a round of drinks and laughing it out like a trip to the lunatic asylum is long overdue, singing songs and talking about commonalites, then get back home and pop in movies, start of with "10 things i hate about you", yes i have a thing about Rom-Coms, i love them, they give me hope and make think that true love is out there for you to go and find it, gives me hope in the fact that serendipty exists and there is hope for nice guys like me not to get screwed over by women. And after we done with ...

on a cobweb afternoon in a room full of emptiness by a freeway i confess i was lost in the pages of a book full of death reading how we'll die alone and if we're good we'll lay to rest anywhere we want to go in your house i long to be room by room patiently i'll wait for you there like a stone i'll wait for you there alone on my deathbed i will pray to the gods and the angels like a pagan to anyone who will take me to heaven to a place i call i was there so long ago the sky was bruised the wine was bled and there you led me on in your house i long to be room by room patiently i'll wait for you there like a stone i'll wait for you there alone and on i read until the day was gone and i sat in regret of all the things i've done for all that i've blessed and all that i've wronged in dreams until my death i will wander on These words seem to reverbrate through me whenever i find myself staring at the pitch black darkness which keeps screamin...

Ok before i begin to describe the shitty feeling of being constipated i just wanna say that am feeling shitty at the moment and i wanna write something funny to divert my mind from the harsh realites of life. ( I think all funny people do that, even though i have non-existential humor which lotsa people like to say is pathetic to my credit i jus wanna say am making an effort. ) Ok so lets get started, all those who have read the very first blog, know my connection with constipation. Well what i intend to do is tell how i feel about it. Well the answer is simple, me not able to shit on a regular basis as the rest of humanity doesn suprise or scare me or doesn bother me about some impending medical condition. I have known people who also suffer from it and boy do they make a big fuss about it, why is it that people need to panic if nature did not call them at a time when it should have, its not like you are nature's mistress and awaiting word from it. And i think you can say a lot a...

Well i know Betty from Archie's is ideal woman not just for me but for millions of nice guys out there who grew up reading about archie and his stupid antic's ( Ok there will be a section in the audience who will wanna counter me on being a nice guy). But you know what i realised in the past couple of years and 4 girls later, dreams is so dis-jointed from reality, i mean true time and time again people keep telling each other to loosen up their search criteria, but damn what should people do who don't have a search criteria. I mean all i want my girl to be is too look decent, i really don give a flying rats ass if she is fat or anorexic, i prefer the former to the latter, have a thing for women with glasses and weird teeth, yea call me weird, but am just looking out for the girl next door, you know in a T-shirt, hair tied up in a pony tail with whom i can call her out for a game of cricket or basket ball, and let her win if she really sucks at it not before i try and act al...

Well i donno from where this came up but, charan wanted to have a say so the next post is his, in his own words...

Yup! this is the bored man again, ( Again??? ) am now uncovering my hobbes ( though i wish i was as cool as calvin). Like it says am bored out of senses, its 1:45 Am in the morning, sitting in the office doing nothing ( wish i could hatch eggs, acutally would be fun though, tryin to figure out a way other than shoving those eggs in my ass to sit on them and not have yellow gooey stuff dripping down ) . Bottom line I AM BORED!!! and there are times when you say this but you somehow feel you are not justifying the state you are in, i think thats why people should word power made easy - norman e. lewis ( it talks about moments like these where your vocab aint esoteric enough to make people realise how incompetent they are when it comes to expressing themselves well esp men cause we are morons and I for one am an self confessed MCP ). Am so bored and by saying this again and again aint alleviating my boredom, but is only making me conscious of how bored I am, i think anything which start...

" I could tell you many adventures - beginning from this morning - Atleast I knew who I was When I got up this morning, But I think I must have been changed several times then ." Well this more or less sumerises me, all those who know me will vouch by this. Hmmm... well let me think all the charcters i ever wanted to be. Well i guess they all were from books and movies and I gotta warn you, I take changing myself into them pretty seriouly. Take for instance my obsession with Rocky, i was spitting dialogues from the movie as fundas in life, do shadow boxing and was obssessed with wearing grey sweats with the hood. Or the day when i saw this move called D, and was blown by this character called Deshu, i had to get those damn aviators and grow a stubble and answer the phone in a mean ass way. Or when i walked out of the theatre after watching constantine, I had to have to zippo flip it open and light my cigarette jus the way he did. Lotsa people get irritated with it but...

The past week was solely dedicated to random-arbit fun, not the one-nite stands type, but you know something like the musscle man kind. Here is the break-down: Orkut: When you are working ( or are expected to work ) but you really aren, Orkut is like what monica was for Bill. No seriously, though i always used to wonder, how guys can be loser enough ( i agree we are losers and morons ) to send scraps like " can i have phrandsheep with you? " i used to look for the nearest wall to go bang my head. But then i realised that I ll never know what kick these people get in scrapping to random girls, who may be potential stalkers who may pose a threat to you, considering the fact that it is so bloody damn difficult to get a restraining order in india. So what do I do? start writing scraps saying " why the rum is all gone ??? " Now if you are among the majority of the population, who went HUH? when you read it, well its a dialogue from my movie " pirates of the carrie...

I shake my booty in much more pathetic way than this. But i wasn't always this bad. Back in school I used to dance, atleast i did not give a fuck about other people back then. This was long before i got conscious about the way i used to move and i developed rigidity and realised that i do have bones for joints and not rubber. But then all this fell flat one day at the club when some mean ass bitch ( i respect a woman enough not to call her this but then every rule has its exception, and she was def one of them ). And this female humilitated me so bad that i have shrunk myself into oblivion in my "am-not dancing shell" . But then, the futility of this attitude came to the fore when i went to the club with my lady love. I am cool with dancing real close its when the distance creeps in between and am supposed to move my now expanding booty with no finite boundary in sight that i feel so vulnerable. More vulnerable than when i first started practicin nudism ( yes i do practis...

So how did i find myself travelling back home carrying a pink box ( resembling a shoe box)which contained psychedelic sands of time to be stared at when am high in the infamous Chennai PTC bus, thinking I shoudl definitely start wearing caps, and god i miss my aviators! How did this happen??? Well it all started with a call. ( all these things always start with an innocent phone call don't they). On the other end of the line was one of my friends, a multitalented girl who is by far the cutest girls ( in a very asexual way ofcourse not cause she has an non-existential ass which proudly hides behind that omnipresent burkha but generally ). And she was wondering if I could be the judge for one of the literary events for the inter-collegiate thing happening in her college. So I said "what any man with 2 dicks will say when the tailor asks him the left or the right?" Not that I had the world waiting for me to save it, or one hazar bimbettes spreading their legs waiting for me ...

There are a lot of things people think define, it ranges from the latest handset they carry around, or the amount of horse power one has under the hood, or the explosion of pink for some ladies or anything chocolatey in that manner, seems to define them. Well you can extrapolate these to further areas, like the kind of movies or tv sitcoms they watch or the songs they listen to. But for everybody there is some quirky materialistic material which will conjured in front of their family members or friends flashes the image of the person who is associated with these things. And am not exception to this rule either. So here are they ladies and gentlemen, the list of things that is so totally me. Which my friends and all others who have had the misfortune of casting their glances on my way repeatedly have come to associate these things with me. Without much further ado, here are they. 1. Converse shoes : Yup! these very same pair of shoes, i have been seeing them in my dreams since i was in...

Well, sometime in the year 1989 ( ok fine, august 3 to be precise ) my brother Ashwyn ( yes its spelt with a "Y" don ask me, ask me ma ), was born, and I was enchanted with something so angelic. I mean when you see a new born baby as a kid, its more like this real life, talking, shitting, puking doll which is so bloody amusing to look at. And trust me I was damn possessive of him, so possessive to the point that, when my neighbours used to come down to play with him and kid me saying " am taking him with me" i used to start crying which only subsided with my fever which invariably came as a buy 1 get 1 offer types with these moments of crying hysteria. Many people who came to know me at a very later point in life, will be kinda suprised ( if am allowed to make such an understatement ) to hear such kinda devotion towards him. But I don recollect exactly as to why or when all this turned around over its head and all those feelings turned into one of extreme hatred, re...

The J jinx continued to follow dad, and we soon found ourselves moving out from jalandhar, punjab to jorhat, assam. The name jorhat conjures up the following things for me : henoch schonlein syndrome, Neha, carmel school and fights between mom and dad about money. Mom started working as a school teacher in jorhat in carmel convent, where we used to have morning mass, and evening mass, one of the most embarrasing moments ever. Being raised in schools where the last bell rings followed by a sense of euphoria, and a sense of urgency to get back home asap change clothes and hit the playground either to play basketball, cricket or rugby with the bigger boys. I ran at the sound of the last bell, tearing down the corridor, into the playgorund when suddenly the strap of my bag tore and all the remanants of the after rava upma ( which was the entire lunch, cos i had not eaten them, rav upma, somehow chokes you by sticking in the back of your throat, you feeling the entire granular texture of th...

I tried writing about the life in jorhat, delhi, henoch schonlein syndrome, well its just that my life is so fucking layered and peppered with so many incidents, which make me cringe thinking back about my stupidity, and things which are so bloody brilliant, if i may say so myself ( talk abt being modest ). So me will talk about my first crush, my first brush with death, my first best friend, the passion of relishing and eating fruits. But its just too disturbing and layered for me to write it all down. So me will now stop that continue random crapping about life in general and shit. Stay tuned cos the next post is gonna be about... ( honestly I have no fucking Idea)

I don't think a lot of people in India ( esp Women ) really know about Neil Strauss ( touted to be the greatest Pickup Artsit in the world) or his book. But there is a rising # of men all over the world who will swear that Mystery is God, and then there are others who will swear by juggler. So what is all this about. Well all over the world there is a growing number of disgruntled nice men, who are sick and tired of hearing women say " Lets just be friends " or " I always thought of you as my brother ". Well its not the men's fault that the women they crave for, or the women they hear cribbing to them about all the jerks who have ruined their life and the lack of nice men in this world completely ignoring the fact that they are pouring their heart out to one. Well so there began a silent movement nothing short of a revolution where men spent studying the female psyche and trying to find out the motherload of all questions " WHAT WOMEN WANT?". Th...

True am not that conventionally old, but I think old age is setting in, how am i saying such an absurd thing, well for starters: 1. I don't feel like getting up in the morning and playing basketball like the way i used in school and college. Back in the day, used to wake up at 3 and play basketball till 8 in the morning and then again go playing in the evening from 4 till whenever the sun allowed us to play. Now, I wince from the very thought of dragging my sorry ass ( tummy ) from one end of the court to another. I no longer consider sweat dripping down my face as something cool, it only irritates me further on cause it makes me get in touch with water when i have to wash my face, even worse take bath... yuck!. 2. I can no longer eat and drink from roadside stalls, my immune system is beginning to fail me, I was lead to believe that my immune system has been conditioned by the many years spent studying Kendriya Vidyalaya ( one of the finest educational institutions this country ha...