Yeah! Yeah! I know… stop with the rolling of the eyes already, it is corny song, but I quite like it and I love the movie too. Well, as I sit here alone in Thane (Not Bombay mind you…It's Thane) back from the "sangeet" of one my best friends in the recent years waiting for my other friends to come in and thinking about the call I got couple of minutes back from one of many ex – girlfriends, I began to wonder… "What is that you really want? And why the fuck are you feeling so crappy like the nappy of a new born baby, miserable like the dude from 'Love in the time of Cholera' a pathetic piece of shit like the dude who Preity Zinta jilts on her wedding day in Dil Chata Hai? Why? What do you want?"
And just like that, the answer dawned upon me like the morning wood and I realized, all I ever want is for somebody to believe in me, to have faith in what I want, to have the patience, and to bear with me and to understand that I will fuck things up considering that I learn all my lessons through trial and error. Now, for some of you guys, it may seem like a very simple thing to ask but for me, this is harder to find than the philosophers stone (no, not that Harry potter one OR the kidney stone… you know the actual mythical stone…Oh! Never mind!)
I know, I know, I am just 24 years old (21 til I die, as the song goes…Fine! It's 18 til I die…BUT! 21 is the legal drinking age) and I really shouldn't be searching for love at this point of time in my life when I should really be working towards my career. But, this is where you guys don't get it as to why this love thing is so important to me. I come from a broken home. A home where I learned that a home should be a place where I am happy to go back to and not fear it, a home is a place where the people are happy to be in each other's company rather than bitching and whining about all the things they do not have. And this is something I have always sought for and because I find this topic to be so raw and touchy I believe I am never able to articulate how important a relationship really means to me.
I try… I really do… You can't blame a man for not trying. But, this trying business is now getting tiring to be honest. It's a lot like that last stool lodged in your rectum and no matter how hard you try it doesn't come out, and then without warning you go "Oh! Sod it!" and you wipe your knock hole and pull up your pants.
Think that's what I got to do now, I know it will irritate me and even itch sometimes. But I am not going to try anymore. If it decides to come on its own then brilliant, if not, then… well… There is always the laxative or my hands to spank my monkey and tell it to behave.
But on a serious note, a very serious question… "Is it really that hard for somebody like me to find somebody who will understand me, believe in me and have the patience to do it all?"
Comments
( : its just that you need to give yourself and her
(whoever that is) patience and the space to grow together.
Hopefully,i merit to say this.
Love and luck in 2010
<3
AB
Meanwhile, wwww.flickr.com/amruthabushan
for being the fan u are ( :
And if by this time next year, you dont find the Love you are talkin bout.. look out for Chuckie's Play Part 2. :P
ps: Keeping your mouth shut is always such a brilliant advice...
scary eh?
@Sheila - Now you beginning to sound like Shahrukh Khan in one of his movies...
You know I have been reading your archives from last 40 mins and I kinda feel like you literally opened the book that your life is in terms of words here on your blog. But then all that makes you YOU. So fair enough.
Expanding on the answer, "stop looking." Yea. just don't do anything in that department of life. I know this post is dated as this is 2010 but then oh well. Just imagine I wrote it in Dec 2009. Ain't that hard to imagine you know. Let your mind fly. :)
Do what you absolutely love doing, really. Try.
:)
To resemble a filmi dialogue from a typical Hindi phillum (lol!), "She's out there somewhere. Time isn't right yet. You just have to go with the flow buddy."
All the best.