My biggest insecurity

Now, I think this was right about in the middle of 7^th grade, right after the summer hols. I remember vividly, the first day back in school and almost everybody asked me what was wrong with my voice, and the numbers definitely tilted towards girls being more in numbers than the boys, because I really don't think we guys really gave much thought to how the other guy was dressed or sounded like, except when he had his fly open, it was also funny when somebody forgot to close their fly.

Now right from then, I have heard people describe my voice from sounding like a frog's croak, to Donald Duck's to weird imitations from friends and strangers. All this while I have no idea what the hell people were talking about. But it got ingrained that I have a weird voice, though if I hear my own voice anywhere, I wouldn't be able to recognize it. And it is true, I have been ridiculed for my voice more times than Hitler being ostracized for his concentration camps.

Only when I reached my final year of college did I finally and truly did realize and experience the phenomenon of women's knees knocking against each other like Bambi when subjected to deep male voices. And it has been my constant endeavor to get the guttural voice which would melt every woman in its echo range. But alas, even the Lion King of Sparta was killed at the end of the day.

I think this is one of those really vague things which keep popping about in your conscious and subconscious and your attempts to curb it that you lose the thread completely, I mean I have been writing this post for about 2 days now, and all I got to show is a measly 2 lined paragraph. Well considering that I am in the weird assed mood, it is no surprise that I am finding it extremely difficult to write.

Think I will just take a detour and talk about something else in the meantime, I made chicken today, from start to finish was all my show. I am getting increasingly irritated with my room-mates given their penchant for shouting at each other in a cordial tone which in turn wakes me up, reminding me of horrible mornings I have had back home. And when I try and explain to these guys that "Dude you shouting in the morning to a person who is in the same room is so not cool" I just get some smart ass reply which just pisses me off further. I mean I relocated so that I can get away from all that muck, doesn't seem to be helping. Also certain somebody thinks that I get bothered by anon comments, well I am sure that somebody would read this, and my response to that somebody (note – somebody) is a resounding NO.

Think I also felt bad about the fact that certain somebody is acting all cocky, and I know this sounds mighty hypocritical coming from me, I am not the best recipients of superior attitude. Not only does it irritate the crap out of me, it also enrages me to no end. So, I just begin to distance myself from people like them, go back into my shell, I basically shut up. I also have to start studying, AGAIN! The whole of January is screwed because I got exams every single Sunday, which means that I can practically rule out me getting drunk and getting it on with some woman, who I know for a fact I will not call the next day. And I also realized that once you are out of school/college, it gets damn hard to meet people. Though, am not really complaining. I am happy, I think. But what would really give me a kick is some verbal sparring partner, you know indulge in some argument which makes sense on some absurd level.

I just googled 'How to get a deep voice', and turns out that I can get the deep voice if I just talk slowly, that is one option, or I can just growl and grunt. Though, I am told that I have lisp, and am not sure if that is something good or bad.

 

Epiphany note – Money changes everything. Everything!