I've never been sick a day in my life. How is that, you ask, given my considerably communicable extracurricular activities?
Answer: Awesomeness.
I combat the cold and flu season by injecting heavy doses of Awesome into my bloodstream. Special power. NASA's run tests. Passed them all. Flying colors.
Of course, not everyone shares my ability to fight infection through superior genetics, which is why I'm offering a few hints that can help you safely and naturally increase your BAC (Blood Awesome Count) as you encounter the seasonal symptoms.
Sore Throat
Hot tea and a lozenge? That's JV. Smoke a Marlboro Red. The soreness in your throat just needs some sandpaper to smoothen it out.
Fever
You may be tempted to put on a comfy pair of sweats and go to bed. DO NOT DO THIS. First, no one reading this should own such a garment. Second, sweats imply acceptance. You fight fire with fire: Suit Up!
Aches
Men don't ache.
Chills
Studies have shown the best way to fight cold is with body heat. If you've even glanced at this blog before, you're well enough equipped to target and acquire a choice cutlet to warm you up. Heh. "Well equipped." Cough
A cough is the sound of your lungs high-fiving. They're celebrating your awesomeness. Join in! Light a Cigarette, pour yourself a glass of R&C, and imagine a world without children.
Alone, or in combination, these remedies far surpass the prescriptions of yesteryear. Remember, "over the counter" is just something they left out of the Kama Sutra.
Feel free to send me your own cold remedies; sometimes laughter is the best medicine. don.osiris@gmail.com
Now if you'll excuse me, Dr. Demarco has several lucky patients awaiting their physicals. ;)
Answer: Awesomeness.
I combat the cold and flu season by injecting heavy doses of Awesome into my bloodstream. Special power. NASA's run tests. Passed them all. Flying colors.
Of course, not everyone shares my ability to fight infection through superior genetics, which is why I'm offering a few hints that can help you safely and naturally increase your BAC (Blood Awesome Count) as you encounter the seasonal symptoms.
Sore Throat
Hot tea and a lozenge? That's JV. Smoke a Marlboro Red. The soreness in your throat just needs some sandpaper to smoothen it out.
Fever
You may be tempted to put on a comfy pair of sweats and go to bed. DO NOT DO THIS. First, no one reading this should own such a garment. Second, sweats imply acceptance. You fight fire with fire: Suit Up!
Aches
Men don't ache.
Chills
Studies have shown the best way to fight cold is with body heat. If you've even glanced at this blog before, you're well enough equipped to target and acquire a choice cutlet to warm you up. Heh. "Well equipped." Cough
A cough is the sound of your lungs high-fiving. They're celebrating your awesomeness. Join in! Light a Cigarette, pour yourself a glass of R&C, and imagine a world without children.
Alone, or in combination, these remedies far surpass the prescriptions of yesteryear. Remember, "over the counter" is just something they left out of the Kama Sutra.
Feel free to send me your own cold remedies; sometimes laughter is the best medicine. don.osiris@gmail.com
Now if you'll excuse me, Dr. Demarco has several lucky patients awaiting their physicals. ;)
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