Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Alphabets - How I imagine them to be

I have been thinking about this for quite some time. And by this, I mean, trying to give new images to the alphabets than the ones which are ingrained by rote in my memory.

A - The train tracks stretch out for miles. And somewhere out in the distance as you stick your head out of the train, they merrily meet at the questionable horizon. Makes you want to question everything you learned about parallel lines back in school. Fills you with doubt, fills you with hope. The miles stretch on. Somewhere in the middle of all this lies a shortcut, a portal which allows you to switch between your alter egos residing in parallel universes.

B – Pair of glasses, Apple bottom, Fly on the wall, a butterfly breaking out of a cocoon or a heaving bosom in a wonder bra. Never have two curves made you marvel at the non – linearity present around you as you watch your gaze shift from the mirror to your own body and then the person sleeping next to you.

C – Ear, nose, thumb, a really fat finger waving through the air like a sparkler.

D – The heel of one’s boots, the one which sends you the hospital bed. Broken saloon door, which no longer swings open to your soul.

E – The devil’s fork or just the salad fork used by vegetarians to eat their salads. The g – string underwear sticking out of the girl’s jeans as she leans and holds her boyfriend tightly as he whizzes by you, while you wait for a bus.

F – That confusing turn on the map, irrespective of the one you take, it leaves you stranded and staring at a dead end. This is what Robert Frost wrote about.

G – A Greek horse shoe, resistance in the wrong way, the weakness of ohm exposed or a key hole through which the hapless kid plays a witness to the bollywood villain slaying his/her family.  

H – A rope bridge across a cliff, whose reflection in the shimmering burning hot sun refracts your fear of heights.     

I – The beginning of most doodles or doodie or a tally mark for the nano second of boredom you felt when you wanted to write a list but couldn’t be arsed about it.

J – The hook by which the captain was recognized with. The one which he used to pick his nose with or tended to the wedged underwear or jus the finger which lets you get close to that last bit of jelly in the bottle.

K – The bull’s eye after Little John and Robin Hood had finished with their pissing contest or the drawing which Zeus discarded when he was designing his staff, which eventually gave him the idea for organization hierarchy of gods and heroes.

L – The unfortunate leg which most people generally end up losing in an accident. It is usually one leg, if the movies I have watched are anything to go by.

M – This is how I imagine a male porn star looks like with speedos on.

N – A one legged male porn star with speedos on.

O – The thing you mouth makes when you are surprised by the sudden introduction of a finger up your bum. The finger doesn’t belong to you. That is why you are surprised.

P – The way snoopy the dog looks like with no tail, eyes, hands or legs.

Q – Elephant’s bottom, cannon ball, mouse (the optical and the cheese eating one), the helium balloon you bought and set it free just to see how far in the sky it goes, hoping against hope that it now resides peacefully and happy somewhere in outer space.

R – Snoopy the dog with morning wood or just really wanting to go have a wee.

S – That annoying bra hook which causes blood to flow upwards. It is also the shape of your sphincter while you try to figure how to open the gateway to heaven or giant nippleage are.

T – Streetlight under which people tend to have their split personality kick their bottom bleeding raw. Or just a normal regular street light which whispers your name out in the dead of the night, luring you with promises of pleasure of physical and chemical kind.

U – How I imagine hemorrhoids looks like under a X – ray. Or it could just be Moby Dick’s lone testicle. The other one is with Captain Ahab or, Ishmael as he likes to be called if you are on a first name basis with him.

V – If you flex your biceps, the way the skin folds at your elbows. That is what I was told the lady bits look like when I was kid.

W – Madonna and her claim to fame. And I am not talking about her songs.

X – Scissor sisters. The sex thing not the band.

Y – Martini. Neither shaken, nor stirred, just standing still. Also a sign that you had a rather out of turn posh night.

Z – Just a fancy looking S. Reckon this is how comic sans was born. Also... ZORRO!

Ps: I think somewhere down the line, I got bored. Not sure where, but somewhere.

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