Vodafone is a mobile service provider. It is easy to confuse it with a hip – hop or a R&B star, especially considering the many avatars it has undergone, much like Prince, P. Diddy or James Hetfield's facial hair.
Now that we know what Vodafone is, let me also tell you when I am traveling, especially when am traveling, being connected via my mobile phone sometimes is the only thing which stops me from slitting me wrists with a note written on hotel stationary. (I suppose if Quentin Tarantino had to remake Up in the Air, he would probably set this as the ending).
Now, I prematurely ejaculate by apologizing and it is partly you lot's fault. Since none of you tweeted about the whole Air India strike, I had no idea there was a strike, till… Till I reached the airport at 0330hrs on 30th April and be promptly informed via text that my flight stood cancelled.
As I stood there marveling the cool hand Luke like ground staff handle the increasing number of passengers, irate and apathetic passengers like me and others. Now you OR Vodafone may argue that I shouldn't have reached the airport at 0400hrs when my flight was expected to leave at 0615hrs. But hey! I come a from a family where we were expected to reach the station/stop/airport in time to see the mode of transport being built. Much like how we like to reach the theaters before they start showing the trailers.
Having also come from a family which declared war on people calling at unearthly hours, I decided to send a text to my clients asking them if it was really worth me traveling to Agra. It was after all a simple two hour meeting. That is when Vodafone decided that it would be THE most opportune moment to see how I react when it gently licks its finger and runs it along the crack of my bottom. My texts wouldn't go. I should have suspected something was amiss when my texts to the booty call didn't go through. But I had to touch base with my clients, more so to cover my arse if not anything. (You learn that very early on in the corporate world. These things hardly get taught at B-schools). So I tried, sending, resending and resending again. I even tried switching it on and off. Three times. But... the message just wouldn't go through. Taking a leaf out of the Air India's ground staff on strike hat, I dialed "111", the customer service number of Vodafone. I cooperated with them in an amicable manner by providing them all the information they needed. I even told them that I switched it on and switched it off, thrice (I like to show off my techno know how whenever I get the chance). I mentioned that I could tweet but I couldn't text. I fully prepared to curse my handset, because Vodafone has a Super Zoozoo modeled after Rajnikanth, and it can do no wrong. Imagine my surprise when I was informed about "maintainence work" being carried out on their network and the service would not be available till 9 in the morning. I was also cordially told to call my client and explain to them just as I had patiently explained to the CSR as to why Air India was going on a strike, having used the still working GPRS to access google and read up on the issue, just in case if the client decided to throw a spot quiz. The service resumed. At 1043hrs. I had called the client, but the client was sleeping. I hope, I also hope the missed call record did not appear in his log.
Anyway, that was last week. The day today is 5th of May. I was at the airport again. This time I checked prior to leaving my apartment if my texts were going through. BUT! What I forgot to check was my GPRS. As I drank my morning coffee, more to mask the smell of rum from my breath for fear of being stopped by airport security than to speed dial Mother Nature, I realized that I didn't know where I was traveling or what my PNR number was. So I had to access the net via my phone, using GPRS, which I pay for, every month. On time. (Because if you don't then Vodafone makes you feel a lousy two timing whoring theif). But… yup! I can't access the net. So, before I try switching it off and on again, I call "111". Cooperate with them. Give them the required information. Tell them I have not switched it on and off, thrice. And service should resume in over an hour. But using my Mcgyver instincts I check my saved texts and find the required PNR number. Crisis averted.
But what really gets my goat is when I tweet about Vodafone being a proper bumcheesing pissfuck on twitter, he/she/it replies back with "We sincerely regret the inconvenience caused. Please DM us your number so that we may be able to resolve the issue asap."
Now my question is simple, "WHY SHOULD I DM YOU MY NUMBER? AND HOW DOES DM'ing YOU MY NUMBER SOLVE ANYTHING WHEN SWITCHING MY PHONE ON AND OFF THREE TIMES DIDN'T?"