Sunday, 10 April 2011

Shoot on sight

The early morning sun seemed to be having identity issues as it shone like the midday sun on his naked motionless body and her pale white self. He opened his eyes gingerly as he tried getting his bearings right and ascertaining where she stood. He rolled over, pulling the sheet over his head, eyes open, the hair on his hands, thighs and chest moving under the merciless eyes of hers. He knew he had to do something fast before she got the better off him and killed him with that cold hypnotic motion of hers.

He swung his arms and legs like the Vitruvian man with the energy of a bunny running for its life from the hounds, trying to find something he could use as a projectile weapon to disarm that evil white witch. There was nothing but pillows around him and the effort of swinging his arms and legs left his drugged, sleepy body exhausted. But they say that the human body reacts in the weirdest of ways when confronted with a fight or flee scenario and so did his. His body armed itself with a morning wood. A morning wood, which legends now claim was as big and strong as a rolling pin, capable of rolling out flatbreads for a family of four small sized people.


 

He woke up enough to start a conversation with his self.

"I think I can shoot that far. I have shot my load as far as the back of a woman's throat. I don't know… I am not sure… What if I shoot it up in the air and causing the motor of the fan to get aroused and not be able function properly? Look at that piece of white shit… it just stands there mocking me… Why can't she just turn herself off? She knows am feeling cold. At least she can slow the goddamn fan slow can't she? Stupid annoying shit… And what am I supposed to do with this hard on now? Do I feel like having a wank? And who the fuck is that at the door? God! I need to get out of the bed!"


 

The urgency of the situation put his body in autopilot. In a swift motion he rolled out of bed, hitting the fan switch he opened the door, only to find the wind slam the door back on his face while screaming "IN YO FACE MUTHAFACKER!"

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