Monday, 7 February 2011

Teaser - Alan

The phone rang. Again, as it had been for the last 25 minutes. Andy opened his eyes, blinking rapidly, trying to wash the remnants of a rather disturbing dream involving lumberjacks, Alfie and a rather menacing dog snapping at his legs realizing that the weird sound at the door he was hearing in his dream was the phone ringing.

The clock mocked him, as its lights flashed 04:48, he looked over at Alfie snoring, his breathe reeking of cheap whisky and a swirling concoction of smells which could be best described as a waste treatment facility of a rather popular brand of cologne, as he reached for the phone.

‘This better be good’

‘Good? This will give you both a boner the size of Mt. Kilimanjaro... We found another one… Is he up?’

‘No.’ Andy replied curtly, clearly not pleased with the ill – timed joke by Eugène-François, a good natured Interpol officer who Alfie liked for the same reasons Andy disliked him for.

‘Well? Wake him up! He is going to love it! I tell you… He is going to love it… Sending a car around to pick you up… Should be around the corner’


‘Alfie! Alfie!’ Andy gently prodded Alfie in his guts, knowing that gentle and subtle was not really Alfie’s style.


‘WHA? WHA?’ Alfie woke up with a start, grabbing the baseball bat he kept next to his side of the bed reflexively.

‘Another one has been found. Eugene sounded pretty excited about it. Said, you will love it. Get ready. And for fuck sake, brush your goddamn mouth with some phenyl. You smell like some raccoon has shit himself in there.’ Andy said in mock irritation, smiling at the bewildered look on Alfie’s face.

‘Did you say another one?’

‘Yes! Now wake the fuck up and get ready! The car should be here anytime now’

‘I bet he found something new… This is brilliant!’ Alfie said as he tried jumping out of bed.

‘Oi! Easy now!’ Andy moved sluggishly, still considering whether to tell Alfie about his dream and decided against it.

As they tied their shoe laces, Alfie exclaimed,

‘I have a good feeling about this… And you sure Eugene said that I would be happy?’

‘Yes.’ Andy replied, shaking his head, ‘I really do wish I could have got another couple of hours of sleep instead of being dragged on this search, rather a hunt for this maniac.’

‘Well, you don’t have much choice in this matter now do you?’ Alfie chuckled, as they got into car waiting for them downstairs.

‘You see a half full glass and I see sleepless nights!’

‘Well! Brother! Stop whining like a little bitch! Where is the ALAN brother’s spirit’ … ‘Oi! Step on it!’

The brothers looked outside the car window, silently and stoically, each lost in their own thoughts, one smiling sinisterly wondering what awaited them, while another frowning and cursing nature for having playing such a cruel trick on them.

‘Thank god we don’t share consciousness and conscience’ Andy spoke, poking the silence that had enveloped the twins.

Alfie continued smiling, as he absentmindedly ran his fingers over the imaginary seams at which their bodies were conjoined, as the car sped on.

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