I am pretty sure I would have mentioned this before, but there are an awful lot of people getting married this year. I mean every year lot of people get married, I was referring to the people I know of. Every single one of my ex – girlfriends is getting married this year or early next year i.e. if they haven't already gotten married. Couple of them have.
Now what had happened before was that I would get into this bloody bleeding bout of self pity and shit and feel physically sick . Women will know what I am talking about. But then, this would not last for over a period of couple of hours. I mean to quote that chick from 'Say Anything' if I do bump into them in the near future I would secretly be thinking "I have hit that thing!" and I am pretty damn sure that they would be thinking the same no matter how bad it would have been for the either of us. Now, exes are always a tricky area isn't it. I mean especially for me, with all the string of crazy women, I would be the male equivalent of a girl who keeps saying "There must be something written on my forehead that I keep getting stuck with these bastards!". But whatever!
Anyway, I mean when you hear that one of your exes if tying the knot there is myriad of emotions you go through, some are gutted by them and some are euphoric and some you just don't give a fuck. But for all the relationships you really liked the girl, and things don't quite work out and you realize that she is going to be getting married to somebody else, you feel a little weird if not a lot. You begin to weigh in all the decisions you made, whether it was the right decision to part ways or not! And I mean especially now that so many of my friends are getting married (yeah! Some exes of mine happen to be really good friends of mine and apart from these exes there are other friends who are also getting married :D) You do think all these things. You know, how life would have been if you had gotten married to that person and shit.
And, I think in all these floating thoughts I think I know why men are so commitment phobic especially when they are in their early 20s, they always want to hold out hoping that they will meet a girl who is more good looking, more smart, more caring, more pampering and more wild in bed than the one they are with currently. They always hold out that candle in the wind, without the knowledge of their girlfriends of course. So, when the girl does get married you think, "Was me holding the candle out for something better was something I should not have done and shit?". But then, time flies by, you know like that cold water inside the fridge on a really hot summer day. And I have seen the photos of all my exes who have gotten married, or planning on getting married. And it's just something, I can't quite explain it, but fuck! I am happy that I am not one they are getting married to.
For starters, light takes about 8 minutes to reach us from the sun, but light from the face of these women who are tying the knot on their big day takes about 18 years, mostly because it has to come from behind all those layers of makeup they have on. Even though I have asked them not to do all that jazz, they still do (well, think I am allowed to suggest things being an ex and all… I think).
Secondly, I think there is this loserish way of comparing the guy they are getting married to me, I mean yes, that is sad and loser like and pathetic. But, seriously which ex doesn't compare? We all do at some point of time, I am pretty sure the people who are getting married probably don't compare and shit, who knows, but we all fucking do, so don't look at me like this is something which only I do. And man I have been lucky enough to realize that all the decisions which I took or the women took are right.
I mean both the girl and the guy look adorable and all that jazz, but I am just glad I am not the 'one'. I am lucky because somewhere there is this voice inside my head which says "Oh! Ok, so this is how the guy looks like, olrite! So this guy got this kind of a girl, you are better than him so there is somebody better than the girl he is getting married to". I mean this may just be a case of the grapes being sour and all that shit. But, seriously whatever feelings I may have had they just pop and dissipate in the air like some dude's fart on the beach. You think you smelt something, but then you just ignore it. And you go on to jump into the water and have a fun time. So, I can honestly say that I am happy at the thought of people getting married. What I am really scared of is to find an ex who I really cared about and all and she gets married to a guy who I can't compete with(by my standards of course), that would fucking shatter the hell out of me. But I think I can answer this with all the confidence of a man who is peeing when asked the question "what are you doing?" think the news of the last marriage date just about rules out all my exes who I ever had a thing for.
So there is no more of a scare. =) (bloody cheap of me ain't it…hehehehehe… what can I say… it's a guy thing… it's more of my thing, need to confirm this theory with my other retarded friends to actually give it a guy thing tag.)
Though the only thing which worries me is meeting so many people at weddings, large crowds sweat the crap out of me. And there are about now 9 I think, 9 weddings which I have to go to this year. It worse than going to office really, people expect you to have had a bath, people expect you to wear formal cloths and be on your best behavior, and even though there is a new trend of not wanting gifts, they all want gifts, so there is the expectations of that. Too many expectations man, just fucking way too many expectations. And that bothers the crap out of me. But, will have to bite the bullet and deal with it. And probably by the end of the 9th wedding I may just have developed some sort of social skill which does not involve asking for a light for a smoke or order another drink or 3 cuss words for every 5 normal words in a sentence. It's a win win situation all the way… =). I have to go and continue holding out the candle in the wind for the woman who looks like a million dollars (in my eyes of course), has a million dollars (for me of course) and is smart enough to work with me to get a nobel prize …