I mean seriously! I don't what is it about me, is it just plain me, or is it because I am a guy or what? When you do something and because of which shit happened in the past which has taught you damn valuable lesson enough for you to feel shitty for a long ass time enough for you to carry the damn burden all the way to your grave. And if one was a normal functional person one would never do such a thing again right? Well, I seem to have fucked up again. Exactly the same fucking way! I mean what are the fucking odds of that?
I mean I like being the underdog and like underdogs generally, mostly because of them going against all odds to do something which uplifts the soul, by that definition I am no fucking underdog. I went against the odds and fucked up again! I mean cmon man! I don't really know what the hell to say to myself. I mean am listening to Alanis singing one hand in the pocket, but my hand is fucking crushing me balls to dust.
On brighter side of things, I have finally gotten sick of people saying that I look cute, I have gotten chubby, I have put on weight, bullshit, bullshit...bullshit! So now I have started playing squash now. Been wanting to do this for a really long time now.
Rhetorical Q to myself - Dude! How the fuck, can you be so fucking stupid to do the same fucking mistake which fucked you over the first time? I mean don't you ever fucking learn anything! I mean all that talk about having learnt from your mistakes an shit was plain bull wasn't it? I mean how the fuck is anyone supposed to have blind faith in you? Something you insist the people close to you to do...I am so fucking mad, ashamed of you right now I can't even begin to put in words. Maybe instead of trying to find something which will cheer you up and put you in a less guilt free mood, why the don't you just sit and think about how badly you have fucked up in this case? Just when I was thinking you were getting your act together you go fuck it up much worse than bull trying to fucking wank in a china shop...I mean forget about fucking others, how the fuck am I supposed to trust what you say the next time around? Fuck you man...you have fucked it up...mother fucking big fucking time...I don't even know what the fuck to say to you dude...really...You have fallen in my sight so low that I have to create a new place for you...especially for you...and this is so fucking low this is way below the place you have for your fucking family...You disappoint me dude...now get the fuck away from here before I fucking beat the shit out of you...