I seriously should be, a day should be named after me, scholarship should be given to kids and shit. I mean seriously, this is the 3rd consecutive day I have taken a bath, the first day showered in hot water and the next 2 days in cold fucking water. If shit is not given out for this feat of mine I really don't know for what I will be honored. I was the last beacon of hope for all men who were labeled retrosexual by the pop media. The last of my kind, who thought that being sweaty, was a sign of being masculine, who is not ashamed to tell the world that I have hair on my chest, who doesn't bother to shave, flaunts tattoos. Maybe this is indicates a new phase in evolution of the alpha male.
And honestly, taking a bath is not really such a big deal if you ask me, it is just the first few seconds when the water hits your body and your heart leaps into your mouth, and you suffer a stroke and in those few seconds your entire life flashes by. I mean if you really have doubts if life flashes by when you are about die then I can clear them all and I say this with all due diligence that it does and if you think that you don't have any regrets then my dear friend, pour some icy cold water on your body when you are not expecting and watch those regrets surface like an angry mody dick which is about tear you a new asshole.
Anyway, I realize that I am sounding more than incoherent and I haven't even started drinking yet…maybe taking baths daily is not a good idea after all. Hold on to that felicitation and the award ceremony let me confirm the correlation of incoherence with taking baths, till hold on to your horses and don't let your panties tie up into a knot. Wet panties tend to do or so I have been told. Being awesome leads you to have many trivial information like this stick to one's awesome memory.