Wednesday, 25 February 2009

Something I wrote 2 years back but never completed


"You are born once, you live once, you love once, you marry once and then you die once." Yes, a lot of bullshit that is alright thought William, as he sat ruminating by the window having a smoke in the morning. He had one of those epiphanies again in his rum induced sleep last night. The kind which makes you think "Dammit! that is so fucking true" and you feel all the more shittier and miserable about it and the next day morning you just want to forget the element of truth in the shitty depressing reality. And he tried to lose himself in the other mundane activities of life. One of the things with Williams was that he always did some things on his own and others from books or movies he loved, like on his commute to work he started the whole "High-Fidelity" thing about having the top-5 mundane things he does in his day which totally hates but does it anyway.

1.Wake up
2.Having to brush his teeth because he can't stand his own breathe.
3.Going to office and checking his mail (the only mails which he had been receiving were mails telling him how size does matter and how the tween got ass fucked by a horse.)
4.Getting back home with nothing to do.
5.Going to sleep.

As he finished making this list, the truth about him not doing anything when the day gets over, other than getting drunk, playing the bully with his room-mates, reading books or watching some movies on the computer and probably check his email once again, because he has nothing else to do. And in the middle of all this he always managed to find some time alone in a small 2-bedroom apartment, which he shared with his 4 other room-mates. All of them a character in their own right, but they all acknowledged William was the pick of the lot. He was wondering what would Sesna be doing right now? And this what would ALWAYS fuck Williams up.

You are Born Once.

He knew that. He definitely did not want to be born again and there is a reason why he did not want to born again. Williams was born to a not so loving, and definitely not functional family consisting of his alcoholic father, who was pissed off with his job of being a government employee and having to take shit from his seniors and having realized that, he also realized what an easy punching bag both William and his pretty looking wife who suffered from major validation problems, the one where you always need somebody to tell you that you are good, but with her it had to be her husband, even after he called her a whore and beat her just a degree below brutal that she couldn't go to work for days together.

We all know that we born once, some are born into families, some get adopted into families and some are just left alone. All alone. William belonged to the last category. And in order to survive, the beatings both from his classmates, his father and anybody else who fancied to take out the frustration on him, he had to learn fast the ways of the world, he had to think fast, real fast. And he did. He learned a lot of things, but the most important thing he ever did learn was how to put a mask on his face, his body language, and above all hide his emotions.

It is true, there is a reason why people you love the most tend to hurt you the most, because they know the turn of emotional tide your heart and mind take, and they know when, where to say and do what that feels like your heart is like a horucrux and is being squeezed by a hand so powerful that it crumbles concrete to dust, and you can feel your balls being dissolved and wanting to come out of your eyes in the form of tears but they don't, the pain just lingers somewhere inside, not really sure where but all you can feel is pain,


I never really got around to finishing this story because I realized that the bleeding story is just too long and I ran out of patience… as always…

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