Friday, 7 November 2008

Ugly Revelations

Well, it always surprises how something's you know are spoken out aloud by somebody else it always manages to catch you off-guard. Well some of these things which I heard in the last couple of weeks are not the most pleasant of things.

Well for starters, I know I was a weird ass case back in my 11th and 12th grade. I mean weird just does not do justice to how much weird I was, well I was weird to the extent that all the people I knew back then used to run or hide when they saw me coming. I was messed up back then, not that I am not now, but back then it was a different situation entirely. Though I am trying not to justify the way I behaved back then, I am definitely trying to find the reasons as to why I suddenly changed from being a guy who was part of all groups to being shunned like an untouchable.

Was it my growing hatred towards the decision of having to move from Delhi to Chennai? Was it the growing hatred towards the rat race mentality present in the schools I studied in Chennai or was it the feeling that I don't belong amongst people who seem to have families for real and money to throw around. Whatever it was I was over the edge, and it turns out that the people I used to think used to stick up for me were the ones who used to run away from the mere sight of me in the distant horizon. Well, don't really blame them, if I was me and I was meeting myself back then I would have done the same. But somehow it is just you know disturbing, the whole picture of my past just disturbed, now I don't really know how things were back then.

On top of this, I just realized that I have managed to drink and bloat myself up so much that the joke I used to make on myself (me looking like Michelin man), has ceased to be a joke and is fast turning into an ugly reality. This I realized from my recent interactions with women, before all the brownie points I used to lose because of my potty mouth I used to score them on my decent flat tummy with traces of 4 pack, I know a lot of people who see me now just don't buy into the fact that once upon a time, not too long ago, I could run 100 mts in under 12 secs, I could play full length game of football and after that run onto the basketball court to play couple of games of basket ball and then run over and play some cricket.

I don't remember where I lost that drive to go play; I have been dying to play some cricket, just to get back into the groove. Fucking waiting for Kurian to come back, so that at least I go and get some playing done.

There are some more I could tell but then either I will have to kill you all or somebody will give out orders for me to get whacked. Nuff said.

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