Saturday, 15 November 2008

My biggest insecurity

Now, I think this was right about in the middle of 7th grade, right after the summer hols. I remember vividly, the first day back in school and almost everybody asked me what was wrong with my voice, and the numbers definitely tilted towards girls being more in numbers than the boys, because I really don't think we guys really gave much thought to how the other guy was dressed or sounded like, except when he had his fly open, it was also funny when somebody forgot to close their fly.

Now right from then, I have heard people describe my voice from sounding like a frog's croak, to Donald Duck's to weird imitations from friends and strangers. All this while I have no idea what the hell people were talking about. But it got ingrained that I have a weird voice, though if I hear my own voice anywhere, I wouldn't be able to recognize it. And it is true, I have been ridiculed for my voice more times than Hitler being ostracized for his concentration camps.

Only when I reached my final year of college did I finally and truly did realize and experience the phenomenon of women's knees knocking against each other like Bambi when subjected to deep male voices. And it has been my constant endeavor to get the guttural voice which would melt every woman in its echo range. But alas, even the Lion King of Sparta was killed at the end of the day.

I think this is one of those really vague things which keep popping about in your conscious and subconscious and your attempts to curb it that you lose the thread completely, I mean I have been writing this post for about 2 days now, and all I got to show is a measly 2 lined paragraph. Well considering that I am in the weird assed mood, it is no surprise that I am finding it extremely difficult to write.

Think I will just take a detour and talk about something else in the meantime, I made chicken today, from start to finish was all my show. I am getting increasingly irritated with my room-mates given their penchant for shouting at each other in a cordial tone which in turn wakes me up, reminding me of horrible mornings I have had back home. And when I try and explain to these guys that "Dude you shouting in the morning to a person who is in the same room is so not cool" I just get some smart ass reply which just pisses me off further. I mean I relocated so that I can get away from all that muck, doesn't seem to be helping. Also certain somebody thinks that I get bothered by anon comments, well I am sure that somebody would read this, and my response to that somebody (note – somebody) is a resounding NO.

Think I also felt bad about the fact that certain somebody is acting all cocky, and I know this sounds mighty hypocritical coming from me, I am not the best recipients of superior attitude. Not only does it irritate the crap out of me, it also enrages me to no end. So, I just begin to distance myself from people like them, go back into my shell, I basically shut up. I also have to start studying, AGAIN! The whole of January is screwed because I got exams every single Sunday, which means that I can practically rule out me getting drunk and getting it on with some woman, who I know for a fact I will not call the next day. And I also realized that once you are out of school/college, it gets damn hard to meet people. Though, am not really complaining. I am happy, I think. But what would really give me a kick is some verbal sparring partner, you know indulge in some argument which makes sense on some absurd level.

I just googled 'How to get a deep voice', and turns out that I can get the deep voice if I just talk slowly, that is one option, or I can just growl and grunt. Though, I am told that I have lisp, and am not sure if that is something good or bad.


 

Epiphany note – Money changes everything. Everything!

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

well, gud to know dat u r NOT bothered abt the annon comments, u shud not be atleast of those which are cocky..and rem not all anons are same...gud to read ur post after 2days,kip writing ..n it wud hv been gr8 if u had put up or taken the video of chicken made "THE GREEK GOD" way ;)

Zennmaster said...

I know that all anon's are not the same...I was referring to the one from Bangalore... you are from Mumbai, a city which I am beginning to fall in love just a little bit more with each visit...

If you are male/female and love a pint of good beer, let me know there is client party happening would love to mix business with pleasure...as long as you can teach me little bit of Marathi... =)

Anonymous said...

oh ohh ur are assuming things, which isnt gud..well me not from mumbai..u shud check ur live traffic feed more carefully!
n abt mixing...it wud be nice if u conct on ur buisness trip n also ur studies , BUT kip writing:P...will teach u marathi sme other time =)

Zennmaster said...

olrite so you not from mumbai but you definitely from Pune... yeah started studying...though starting off at a very slow speed...3 pages to be precise...hoping to gather up momentum as days go by...

ps: You definitely have me by my newly shaved cranium bones...smart obs abt the traffic feed...

Anonymous said...

:)"aabhari aahe" dats thank u in marathi ...well me too not very gud in marathi.neways gud luck wid studies..tk care, study hard.

Zennmaster said...

isn't aabhari hindi too for thank you? Though me thinking if I know you or you basically a anon...anyway...me don't have the world to save today...so got all the time to figure out the mystery of 'who is anon?'

Anonymous said...

dnt u like the mysteries to be the way they are..dats nice fun! well i am complete anon for u..who jus liked the way u write....well abt 'aabhari' its also an marathi word just the way 'dhanyavad' is a word used both in marathi n hindi for thank u.

n if not saving world 2day den u can save ur cmpny for change..n i will save mine by doing sme wrk :)

Zennmaster said...

well mysteries are fun because you get to solve them...and till now I have been turning up with jack shit with regards to identifying the many anons...but yes...it is fun...it would be more awesome if I can crack the case...

Thanks to your bad nazar...I have been called to save the world...again...Superman never gets a day off...

Anonymous said...

n it will be fun for me if u cant :P....(many anons huh)hey more anons means more fans..u shud enjoy it n not spend ur energy n time wasting to know who they are...

'Bad nazar' ha ha ha dats funny! dint know superman belives in all dis...Go save world if not atleast cmpny ;)
well this anon is hard to crack,belive me!

Zennmaster said...

Fans it seems...LOL...and when was the last time you heard Sherlock holmes wasting his time and energy? I never waste time and energy...even when am sleeping I am doing work...

Abey, superman has to save his company, the world...who is there to save superman? :'(

Anonymous said...

wats so funny? cant there be fans of ur blog? if ur thinking there cant be... den its bad dats called -ve thinking !

save superman it seems...lols..how abt pitcher of beer and lots of rum n coke for superman....

Zennmaster said...

no its called being realistic... I can't think -ve even if a mosquito with -ve blood came and bit me cos my blood group is B+ve... Now you know superman's blood group also...

And superman's body does not break Beer quite easily... its the only thing which gets him high...though would like rum and coke right about now...Fighting Jabba the hut and one more villain in office...gets tiring after a while...

Anonymous said...

hmmmm...superman is strong he is not allowed to get tired...hey btw u can write a post on office villains and how to fight them....may be fight 'The Bond' way!

Zennmaster said...

tired is another way of saying bored...Superman does get bored...but never tired...I shall deal with the office villains the SuperChor way...

Superman has given way to SuperChor... B)

ps: why the hell does that smiley look like a cat?

Anonymous said...

nah not superchor....dint like it...

Zennmaster said...

go listen to the song...it is AWESOME! it is more awesome than awesome itself...The song sounds like it was almost sung for me...

Anonymous said...

hmmmmm

Zennmaster said...

now that is what I call a comeback...there is absolutely nothing one can say to hmmm... classic...

Stranger in a strange land said...

fuck me , somebody sure loves the anonymous option!

Zennmaster said...

temme about it...