Thursday, 11 September 2008

So finally…

Finally, I have found the perfect thing which will start me off on something which I intend to finish before am 25 years old. Finish writing my memoirs, and for long I have always been stuck with the question, how the fuck should I begin the book with? I mean there are so many points, so many unrelated stories, all of them funny, embarrassing, humiliating fucked up shit I really did not know how to piece them all together.

But now I have found the answer, and as always my main man ShahRukh Khan has come to the rescue. Well the book is titled "Damn you Shah Rukh! - Thank you for making me believe in fairy tale endings L"

Excerpt from whatever the fuck I have written so far: for those of you who want to humor me and say nice/fake things at the end of it all…

I felt weird, having shifted 3 schools in under 2 years, and suddenly being immersed in a culture which thought the whole concept of having a games period in the school time table was a complete waste of time, but since the complete exclusion of it would lead to man slaughter, they assigned it a measly one period in the whole week. The kids I was studying my 10th grade were light years away in the kind of things they were studying, they were basically plotting their life for the next decade, starting from the school they will be shifting too after resetting the record books for the maximum hours spent pouring over books and securing the maximum marks in each paper till the work they would want to end up doing when they are 24 years old.

And there I was, trying to deal with the reality that suddenly all my comfort zones were taken away and basically looking into something alien, sure I was used to moving around a lot but when you realize the implications each of those transfers meant to my life it more or less left me hating everything about Chennai. This was never the place I could associate myself to be in, the whole army of grandmothers shouting at the top of their lungs hymns to the almighty but fail to appreciate the tear inducing music of Boyzone at full volume. Well, stop sniggering, I still believe that Boyzone kick back street boys ass and you have to remember that I still was not introduced to Nirvana, Metallica or the other rock gods till I was well into my engineering.

Anyway, as is the case when you are in 10th grade, you are subjected to more tests than a lab rat who has survived a nuclear holocaust, which only managed to piss me off further since that meant spending far more time with text books rather than with the cricket ball, I was trying to perfect that one ball which will basically guarantee me a wicket with every single delivery and thereby instantly catapulting me to instant fame and money. And these class mates of mine being highly influenced by their Grandmothers used to scribble '2' or something to that effect, which upon my curious inquires, I was patiently told that it was supposed to be something to do with Lord Ganesh. I was treated like a foreign NRI mean SOB, because I refused to do anything which will connect me to that wretched city like speak in Tamil, not like I gave a hoot but still I liked the concept of writing something on your answer sheets which you firmly believed in.

And that was the time Shah Rukh's DUD movie Badshah was released, and the title song was awesome, I wanted to basically have his wardrobe. The guy at that point of time was basically Midas, any movie he appeared in was a super duper Hit. And I was so mesmerized by the lyrics of that title song, which suggested that you bend over for no one other than god, you know something which Sufism would say, so when the others were drawing symbols of ganesh on their answer sheets, I was writing "ShahRukh Khan" or "Badshah" or "Shahrukh Khan Badshah" you know find the permutations and combinations of it all, though the other kids thought it was a big joke, I really meant that when I wrote that, thinking he would watch my back and whisper and tell me when am making a but obvious type of mistake, though in spite of that additional help, I used to flunk math like there is no tomorrow, well primarily it was because Madhu Rampal Madam, my math teacher from 6th grade till middle of 9th was no longer teaching me and it was my way of telling my folks that "sorry people but I think you fucked up on this one!", not that the teachers who were teaching us did not notice that I had all the answers in class but always never appeared on my answer sheet except for the omnipresent name of Badshah of Bollywood.

And then, shit finally hit the ceiling, the teachers called for me mum on a PTA meet…


Ps: I know it is shit and all that…the editor will take care of making it much better… so while I continue this story on the lookout for a editor and a literary agent. Anybody know any names let me know… :P

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