Monday, 18 August 2008

It’s raining :’(

Fuck! It's raining like it's time for Noah to start building his ark. Not the best beginning to the week if you ask me, I mean watching it rain is good, but getting your knickers soaking wet is not. And I was thinking that I should take a bath sometime soon. There are certain rules which nature and I had agreed upon when I decide to take a bath: Now when I am referring to taking a bath here I am referring to taking bath when I don't have to go meet somebody or molest somebody's poppy. You see I like the rest of 'man'-kind (well, at least the ones who don't go waxing their ass cracks and getting their toes nail polished and do not know the difference between violet and purple) never really got out of their caves other than to get meat (and I swear am not referring to any womanly body part here). Now, don't go "Oh! You pig!" on me now. In my defense, there is no documented caveman who has willingly gone and taken bath.

I mean who in his right mind would? And I honestly think the guy who invented the geyser was definitely a woman trying to coerce her man to take a bath taking away his excuse of "fuck! The water is freezing cold, am not in a mood to kill myself tonight!". Well coming back to the agreement between nature and me. It was agreed upon that I would take a bath when the sun is shining nice and bright, its sometime around noon and I am awake for over 2 hours and the water is hot not because of some woman's genius brain, but because the sun thought the water tank was some pesky ant and was trying to scorch its little ass, and I have to go somewhere late afternoon to get meat ;).

But ever since I moved to Bangalore, nature and I seem to have had a fall out of sorts. The first week in Bangalore meant that I had to take a bath early in the morning because I just had a nookie and by principle I take a bath after having a nookie. And after that week, it meant that I take bath in some woman's place late in the night before I went back home. I never did get to see the sun the entire time. Why? Take a wild fucking guess! It was bleeding raining that's why. And I have been genetically blessed to have a face and skin type which makes it impossible for people to figure out whether I have had a bath today or not. The day's I willingly go take a bath, those days I am hyper and I invariably end up with nothing to do and therefore all that energy goes to waste, and I am firm believer in the whole energy doesn't go to waste, it changes from one thing to another shit. I just don't like to change it so much that's all.

Now, who do I have to fuck around up above to make the rains go away and for the sun to come out. I think I now know how little Johnny felt when he said, "rain, rain go away and don't fucking come back ever". Oh, wait a second, Johnny wasn't the guy who said that, he was the one who got his ass whooped because he had a sweet tooth and his daddy had some anger issues. Rain is like my kryptonite, not just rain, anything cold is, especially water. I like to drink cold water, but provided it goes directly inside my throat instead of dripping down my chin which has a absent cleft (though I honestly think that having a cleft on my pretty face will more or less take away from the awesomeness). I think I have some serious issues with water. Anybody know how to deal with it, let me know. And no! facing fears to get over it is not the answer, have tried that, doesn't work. This is irritating you know. Also if you know how to get meself a nice sounding Irish and English accent just let me know. Speaking with morons in cockney would be awesome. Gives you all the more reasons to call them a moron.

Ok, I got to go now, have to find somebody who I can call a fucking idiot and blame them for making it rain.

No comments: