Wednesday, 30 July 2008

Evil League of Evil

I have now taken the mantle of calling myself a pseudo Dr. Horrible; That's because I have a PhD in Horribleness.

Sample this: I have about 120 people in my blocked list. So just in case you are wondering why you aren't seeing me online. Guess your search ends now.

Dr. Horrible is so awesome that he definitely deserves me miming him, for ages to come now. He is so legendary; he makes the cows lactose intolerant.

Anyway, I got my handwriting analyzed, just for kicks (the other reason is the guy who charged me 110/- for it played pretty well on my curiosity and also as you will soon see, it acts as a testament for my psychological profile clearly screams out loud that I am a horrible person, also because I have a PhD in Horribleness) and this is what he had to say after making me write 3 stupid lines. And this is what he had to say(He wrote them out on a piece of paper…fucker better had done that for money he was charging me):


 

  • Secretive – Everybody knows that about me, telling me a secret is like dropping a stone in a well, nobody knows how many stones are there, unless they do that kidney stone thing.
  • Ability to concentrate for long hours – I am guessing he factored that I had ample booze, smokes, the TV and the music was on. Long hours really? I mean the longest I have been sitting in single place is 12.3654 seconds. (The number was arrived after a terribly long calculation lasting for 13 hours)
  • Temper – I would have bitten his head off, fucker took really long with the analysis you know. To explain this temper bit, the fucker drew graph and all, I thought that was pretty neat.
  • Trace of acquisitive – well that's what he said, it means that I like to buy off things whatever I like, and in case if I don't have the money at that point of time then I would keep that in mind and at some point later on would come and buy it. He referred to things which money could buy…hmmm…gets you thinking doesn't it.
  • Loyalty – He said I have it. I know some people who would want to counter that, let me know, I have his number just in case you want to murder him trying to say something like that.
  • Attention to detail – he did not mean attention to detail-detail, but as in I observe things which are out of place in minute detail, he explained it pretty coolly so won't hold that against him.
  • Non-expression of emotion – I so wished all my ex-girlfriends (notice that I have mentioned ex and not present, well that's because I don't have one right now) were there to hear him say that aloud, seriously. He said that I do not express any emotion at all, I may reveal a certain bit, but that happens only when a pig has his dick up some donkey's ass ( I am told this disturbing thing happens pretty often in farms around the world, where pigs are there, and possibly if donkeys are there as well). This was a killer point.
  • Not Approachable – You don't have to be an Einstein to figure that one out, everybody knows when I go someplace, anyplace I own that place, I don't like people fucking around and wasting my time or my friends time. So no points there for him.
  • Leadership quality not found – That guy obviously is still learning his art (turns out he practices for 1 hour for the last month and 8 days), I am King Leonidas the lion king of Sparta, Sir Aurlieus of Goldbrick, Maximus Aurelius. I mean give me a fucking break.
  • Socially selective – This was pretty good. I gotta give it to him. I mean every Tom, Dick and fucking Harry cannot become my friend, I mean you gotta have some class, you gotta earn some respect, you know. People who have not understood this fundamental thing about me never really get to hang out with me.
  • Selective listener – I use arguments which suit me. Pretty damn good example he used. Had to say he was good at whatever he was doing
  • Directness – I like straight forward answers to my questions, hate being asked a question in return for my question. It was there in my handwriting.
  • Less importance to physical aspects – True. I don't give a flying fuck as to how look or how others look , as long as they have the brains they can be naked for all I care.
  • Head and heart often in conflict while making decisions – Well, ladies you can concur on that can't you.
  • Does not remember emotional experience for long – Fuck no! this guy got it wrong again on this one. I remember each and everything. And payback will come with my self destruction, ( you get the whole self destruction bit right? I mean pride goes before fall…the same analogy)
  • Physical frustration found – He said that I used to physically active, yes with the amount of sex and sports I used to play I better had been in good shape, but now I am neglecting it and it was evident in my handwriting it seems, I need to rest, he said it, not me…


 

On the whole I would say, he was decent, needs polishing, but decent. The other analysis which he did was pretty good. But all this from just handwriting? I have to learn this shit. Would come in handy. But fucking costs a bomb let's see. And this just justifies me calling myself Dr. Horrible. I mean I have all the makings for Dr. Horrible.

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