Monday, 23 June 2008

The horrendous horror story of the 6 pack sporting Irish speaking Greek god

Well, just the other day I was commenting to somebody, I don't know who, but somebody, its always somebody isn't it. But, coming back to the point, I suddenly noticed now when I looked at me'self in the tinted glasses at the parking lot of me hotel. And lemme tell yea you lads and burls, it aint a pretty sight no more. I mean take a dig at this will you. The six pack sporting Greek god who believe me still has those 6 pack abs which make women tie their panties into a knot and make men want to wear them. There has just been a small technical snag we have hit somewhere in the middle of the full blown drinking binging – active sex life – doing border line sexual activities. I have managed to not just conceal these 6 pecs, but, hold on, you better sit down for this one son… They have moved away from their original position. So now 2 pecs which were the closest to me rock hard solid granite concrete chest (which have comforted women on more than one occasion and the numerous abrasive toxic chemicals present in women's tears have failed, miserably if I may say so me'self at even making a dent in that body I like to call as armor of virility…have no bleeding idea what the last line means… but it bleeding sounds right!). Yeah! Coming back to the top 2 steps leading down to Nirvana…I believe some god spoke in some scripture about people having to go down on their knees to reach/see/touch/play/fondle/ other bleeding adjectives you get the idea right(?) heaven itself. Now those 2 pecs have gotten themselves lodged in me jaws, just where I used to use those babies to cut glass while shaving. I mean in me jaws? Focking tossers!!!

The ones which were in the middle? You are now kind of a bit curious aren't yea? Hold on, its an entirely bigger shock…Those 2 seem to be having such a jolly good time together I think now. I mean earlier there was this suez bleeding canal separating where many a finger has marked the course from the Alps most people refer to as chest, down the 2 to which are now lodged in me bleeding jaws of all the places. Now the 2 pecs in the middle are friggin shagging each other day and night like bunnies, and they don't seem to be aware of this concept called 'using – the – bleeding – rubber' or pills. I mean if the world doesn't go pop one fine day (getting reminded of Hugh grant singing that song from 'music & lyrics'…have no bleeding idea why? So don bother asking me…) my bleeding tummy will…I mean you have to see it to believe it. (Tickets will soon be issued for feeling them up… stay tuned for exciting offers…)

Anyway, so moving on… on to from the blimey ol soggy jaws and the ever expanding family of bug shagging bunny… The last 2, the very last bastion, the last frontier before one attains salvation, for which women have so long seduced women since Adam. I mean before I go ahead and give attention to the last 2, it is only the right thing to do to pay due hype and build up for them. And I just have to tell you, that there are going to news about the alarming number of women dropping dead. Plain bleeding heart-ache you will suppose. But no, there is more to all this…The main cause is the image in their heads you see which is really saying the body to drop dead… yes! Just like that… You see when you have taken the most joyful road to the perfect paradise, and right before you stop and make your 'O - face' (you know the one where your mouth makes an O and you go "oh-oh-oh-<string of expletives>-god-yes- so on and so forth") you hit couple of speed breakers, you know just to test the person taking the trip if they really want to go ahead and taste paradise, to slow down, enjoy the view, get excited over the anticipation of what's in store for you. But now, because of the bleeding bunnies inside of it, planning world domination, it is just a small up-hill and a HUGE downhill landing them right on top of the paradise. The place where fruits hang around from well endowed trees. I mean it really is not bleeding fun now is it?


Anyway, where was I? Yeah! The last 2 pecs… well those 2 have decided to copulate behind my back. No really! No joking, I am not pulling on your legs here, they have just decided that the 2 of them above needed some privacy, so they decided to move behind. So now, I have a over-aggressive tummy, and a decent polite caring ass, I would say it has gone a bit soft isn't it. I mean pun intended. It used to be so hard and firm that it was listed on the stock exchange and sought after by avid hard-core loyalists. I mean I am sitting in here, in Chennai Airport and this wanker who likes he has got his head stuck up his ass and who is currently reading whatever I am writing…take that you dick head! Yea! Take that tosser! The Greek god does not wish to look like this piece of dip shit. No way in bleeding hell that's going to happen. There may be hope out there, somewhere… I don't know where… but somewhere… I can sense it! Or so I like to believe. One of these days, I am finally going to get some sleep and when I wake up, I would have those naughty little 6 wankers back in place like little mama's boys. Or I should just maybe I should just whip them back into place. Wonder why the former option sounds so enticing. And since its enticing, god's should never…ever… have anything but the best… the former option it is…

So that is where me find me'self. Really Horrible story I tell you. Real pity it is.

Anyway, have I told you that I am on the look out for a new name. An altogether new identity. Anyway will fill you up more on that later on. Gotta run now.

Ta Ta.


Ps: say…if anybody of you read this before M does, tell her am taking a break. I know I am being a prick. And I just got my death warrant issued. And just to make sure that it is a death warrant and not a warrant to leave me all maimed, tell her not to call me… I will call her… Oh also tell her that the party was awesome! I mean sure everybody had a ball, save the Irish speaking man (fake accent) stuck in a place full of kids dancing to tunes which were not played since movies came with sound and with a date who was gracious enough to leave me on to my own device in a place where I did not know the dick from the head.


Stranger in a strange land said...

To quote steve martin:
"What the hell did you just say?"

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