Thursday, 24 April 2008

The Pyramid of Screaming ! ! !

HEY STUPID BLOG READERS!!! WHY DON'T YOU READ MY BLOG MORE?!?! Sorry. My boss screamed at me over a few missing schematics and I had to release some steam. Why didn't I yell at my boss and not at you? Because that would be dumb, idiot.

You see, we all learn as children that screaming leads to results, and it's no different in the workplace. India was built on the backs of men and women who were yelled at to work harder, and the tradition has been screamed from generation to generation. But you can't just scream at anybody… that would be counter-productive. That's why it's imperative you understand where you stand on the Pyramid of Screaming.

What exactly is the Pyramid of Screaming?

The Pyramid of Screaming is a societal rubric that dismisses the parlor tricks of the Chain of Screaming, Scream Ladder, South Beach Screaming, and other methodologies and focuses on the golden rule of scream etiquette: You can only scream beneath you.

To illustrate how it works, here's the scream pyramid for IPL team:



The captain can't scream at the Owner, but can scream at anyone else. The star fucking player can scream at his teammates, but not at his coaches. And the grounds men screams at no one. He's lucky to have a job.

It's no different inside your office, as exemplified by my own corporate scream pyramid:



Below is a blank Scream Pyramid for you to fill in. If you're not sure where you fit, you can always trick a colleague into screaming at someone and then see where the pieces fall. That's how I figured out I was above the Branch Head.



IMPORTANT NOTE: If you find yourself at the bottom, don't fret. The beauty of the pyramid is that there's always someone available to be the new foundation. The janitorial crew, the sleepy-eyed security man, or anyone who doesn't speak English are great places to start.

2 comments:

hammy said...

:)

Maybe you should have illustrated the results of screaming at your boss... Pandemonium and chaos are generally byproducts of the reaction.

Truly, the only sensible times you can yell up the Pyramid of Screaming is when

a) the person at the higher level has his headphones on at full blaring, listening to metallica or iron maiden
or

b) the person is stone deaf.

These are the two things I can think of... ;)

Zennmaster said...

am honored that you think am way above the pyramid of screaming for you... and you should realise that screaming up the ladder always... always has reprucussions...