I had gone to my colleagues place for lunch. After lunch, I stepped outside the office, to have my smoke because too many people within a 100 yards distance, and a heavy lunch involuntarily makes me reach for a smoke, and it was time for us to leave the place and get back to office anyway. My boss steps out and makes a comment saying “Atleast not here, why don’t you control” or some shit to that effect, and this fucking pissed me off to no fucking lengths. I mean true he makes all these comments all the time, which are more or less to be brushed aside and not given much due thought on. But fucking when somebody fucking tells me what to do, when to do, and how to do… I fucking will take a bat to their heads. To me its like a middle finger raised to my intelligence, and am touchy about that as well.
Here is the deal, I smoke and I drink. More than what is normally advisable or socially accepted. But I really don’t give a fucking hoot. It is my way of coping with shit in my life. Am not asking anybody what to do, how to do or when to do… when I do ask tell me… till then shut the fuck up for god, the world and for your own fucking sake. Because I can get fucking caustic and I my pride is definitely more important than fucking anything else. Am not going to bite your head off if you are going to gimme gyan on how smoking is bad for health and shit then I will be all fine, I will even listen to you if am in a good mood. But don’t you fucking tell me when, how or where… You are fucking signing your death warrant. That’s the fucking shit you should not dream about in your wildest dreams.
Me: "I'm an addict."
You: "Uh, okay."
Me: "I'm not stopping."
You: "There are programs. You could get on a different pain management regimen."
Me: "I don't need to stop."
You: "You just said."
Me: "I said I was an addict. I didn't say I had a problem. I pay my bills, I make my meals. I function."
You: "Is that all you want? You have no relationships."
Me: "I don't want any relationships."
You: "You alienate people."
Me: "I've been alienating people since I was three."
You: "Oh, come on! Drop it! You don't think you've changed in the last few years?"
Me: "Well, of, of course I have. I've, I've gotten older. My hair's gotten thinner. Sometimes I'm bored, sometimes I'm lonely, sometimes I wonder what it all means."
You: "No, I was there! You are not just a regular guy who's getting older, you've changed! You're miserable, and you're afraid to face yourself."
Me: "Of course I've changed!"
You: "And everything's the messed up relationships? Nothing's the cigarettes and booze? They haven't done a thing to you?"
Me: "They let me do my job, and they take away my pain."
You: "Do what you want"
Me: "I fucking will... thank you for asking"