Saturday, 18 August 2007

Measure of a man... =)

All those who have been in touch with me for the past couple of weeks would have known that I was undergoing a major Identity crisis. Now major is most definitely an understatement. Most definitely. And then reality hit me. And trust me when reality bites you (me) on your (my) well formed arse, it leaves an ugly mark which you soon begin to appreciate. So yes, reality bit me and bit me hard.

I think everybody goes through this phase where they question everything. And I was questioning who I was? Wat I wanted from life? And why exactly do I find myself devoid of couple of ears. And more importantly why wasn't I enjoying my work ( which am pretty sure anybody will give their right arms and fav undies for...). So me pestered couple of people who me think know me pretty well. Well turns out they don't know themselves quite well for them to tell me stuff about me, cant blame them now. Anyway. The most realistic and most depressing part of this bite was the fact that I wasn't passionate about anything. The last time I was passionate about anything was back in college when I used to work like a mad dog on problems stupefying people around the world on Non-linear Dynamics. And trust me a man without passion is as good dead. And thats exactly how I was feeling. Dead. Miserable would be more appropiate but dead sounds more wats the word macabre.

So after hours, days and almost week of thinking me finally realized that me was in the wrong job in the first place. And therefore was thinking way too much about the absence and presence of certain people. You people know who you are. And me knew that thinking too much about people esp is bad. Very fucking bad. And me was always looking to lose myself in my job but the thing is I just get paid to do nothing. And I cant lose myself in nothingness. Its a hard deal. So all the drinking binges and smoking wasn't helping do anything. And me finally realized the stream of work me wanted to get into. Market Research.

But thats all the subplot. Anyway I was listening to the sound-track of the greatest movie ever made. Rocky. And the song by Elton John - Measure of a Man. And it just clicked. The words, the emotions. Everything.

These battered hands are all you own
True, this hands and my mind ( which me thinks is half insane)
This broken heart just turned to stone
Long time back I guess. Was destoned for a brief period of time only to be cast in concrete back again.
Go hang your glory on the wall
I already did. There aint no glory where there is no joy.
There comes a time when castles fall
They fell a long time back. All those castles, taj mahals. Even the goddamn eggs broke.
And all that's left is shifting in the sand

You're out of time, you're out of place
Look at your face.
Its bloated up from all the drinking. And I think am getting a zit. Damn!
That's the measure of a man
I guess.

This coat that fits you like a glove
These dirty streets you learned to love
It is true. I am from this cynical world and I belong here.
So welcome back my long lost friend
Why. Thank you.
You've been to hell and back again
Fucking True.
God alone knows how you crossed that span
And I do. Not so sure about god though.
Back on the beat, back to the start
Sir. Yes Sir.
Trust in your heart
That's the measure of a man
Well I guess you can say that.

It's the fire in the eyes, the lines on the hand
Donno about the hand but pretty well know abt the eyes.
It's the things you understand
And things you don't.
Permanent ties from which you once ran
And now which i want to run back too.
That's the measure of a man

You've come full circle, now you're home
And it is true there is nothing quite like Home.
Without the gold, without the chrome
Never gave a fuck about it anyway. Never will.
And this is where you've always been
Yea. Rock Bottom.
You had to lose so you could win
And i lost things which I loved with all my life and soul. Only to lose them and get them back.
And rise above your troubles while you can
I did.

Now you can love, now you can lose
Love??? I really don't think so. I most def don have anything else to lose now.
Now you can choose
I most def can.
That's the measure of a man


Anonymous said...

i wish i had known you arvind.....and then i would have been in love with you...the real kind

Zennmaster said...

well...its never too late now is it? :P

Anonymous said... shudn't be givingme u single? lolll

Zennmaster said...

the last time i checked...the answer was yes...though now you are beginning to scare me cos of the whole anonymity...

Anonymous said...

i remain anonymous coz i fear ur are a handful :)

Zennmaster said...

oh I am more than a handful, not in a boastful way but in a matter of factly would have been nice if we could have met but i guess thats something you chose not to...

Anonymous said...

considering you claim that you dun feel...don't u think the whole exercise will be futile!!!! i mean whats the point???

Zennmaster said...

now that is jus defeatist attitude... =)

though now I have a growing suspicion if you taking a leaf out of Rules! Pyaar ke superhit formulae... :P

Anonymous said...

:) no...i haven't even watched the movie.....i hope u dun think u r in the Milind Soman league :P

Zennmaster said... that was funny...I don't know that dude so well so can't really say now. Though, I have been told am not the sort of a guy who women go weak in their knees when they look at me whereas he is supposed to have that effect on women of all ages...they actually barf or something to that tune when they see me...disappointment is more or less the underlying emotion

ps: aren't you getting bored of this cat and mouse game?