Monday, 27 August 2007

301: Spartans - The Next Rising

Yes. A legendary weekend it most definitely was.


Kurian (a.k.a DJ Nairuk)
Dominic (a.k.a Dogilivy)
Abdul (a.k.a Bachu)
Asif (a.k.a ass-if-ek bal)
Me (a.k.a That Only)


Jatin (a.k.a Gita)
Mahesh (a.k.a Makila)
Furquan (a.k.a Furki a.k.a Fucki)

Location : Apt # 301

Title : Spartans - The next Rising.

Scene:Friday morning at the spartan Dwelling

Things are as usual going pretty smooth, I wake up and have my smoke and drink some coke to ensure that my teeth are whiter than white, and its already late than the usual time Dominic and me go down to catch the rick, and Asif feels that I should atleast take a bath, since I had a interview to go to. The catch being the decibel levels where high enough to give any opera singer a complex, which did not go down to well with somebody who is so not a morning person. So exercising my infamously famous patience I keep quiet and I venture out to take care of the interview.

Scene: Playing of the Tom-Tom's (Old Jungle Saying " when Spartans Play, They Play")

The Spartans have been indulging themselves with daily games of bluff and Uno to unwind from all the battles they wage against life everyday. And it was decided that one should have a " World Series Championship" something to the likes of Olympics (Remember it was us Greeks esp the Spartans who used to revel in such Blood thirsty sport of gore and violence). So it was decided that there shall be a World Series Championship which will crown the Loser of us all. The rules were set forth, the bets waged. The scene is set for the perfect showdown.

Scene: Saturday Morning

Sleep through it.

Scene: Saturday Afternoon.

Sleep Through it.

Scene: Saturday Evening

I receive 2 phone calls of very mysterious origin (no fun if there is no twist to the story). One from my school mates from Delhi, Jatin who I invite over. And another from our ex-gay Athenian ex-neighbors Furquan who is doing his M.B.A and needs some help regarding his presentation.

Scene: Later in the evening

The rules are made public, and the games begin. Now Uno is a game where the player playing with his head wins rather than the person who uses his heart. And there was one player who was playing with his head and he was getting Massacred down in the feild. Dogilvy (he works in Ogilivy and Mathers). Now Bachu and Dogilivy aren't the best of chuddi buddies and tension was getting more and more rift. And as the night drew to a close the lava flowing underneath the surface was threatening to gush over the surface in a spurts.

It did not help our cause when further lessons in humility were dealt to Dogilivy. And things were starting to get ugly. When I stepped in and DJ Nairuk followed suit.

(Btw for people curious to know the standings in the champsionship)

1. Dogilivy
2. Furquan
3. Me
4. Ass-if-ek bal
5. Jatin
6. DJ Nairuk
7. Bachu

And DJ Nairuk and I both in tandem started to hunt down dogilivy's soul. We broke through all his defences the way only spartans can. And then he spilt his guts like a drunkard pukes his. And we finally let go of him and so did the power ( I prefer to call it as current like a true indian but then the international readers insisted that I keep in mind their sensitivity).

And the news that am not a particular fan of horror movie genre was brought to light. (Am really not sure if it's bought or brought). And DJ Nairuk thought it's a good time to crank up the spooky feeling and then the most unexpected turn of events.

The Spartans were under-attack. Ambushed by a bunch of boneless, 42 teeth baring Immortals. Whose hearts are darker than the darkest of all nights known to mankind.

But the Spartan's waged their wars, but soon one-by-one our fellow spartan's gave up their consciousness save for DJ Nairuk, Jatin and me. And in typical wry humor which is most characteristic of a Spartan I quipped that these m*****F***ing mosquitoes should work in a call centre or something and continued fighting. The night fled, and as the mosquitoes numbers dwindled, and DJ Nairuk too relaxed his valiant battle, I went and made a call. A call to a ghost of my past, I had to pay my last due respects. May it rest in peace.

By then the clock was showing 5 30 in the morning, and both DJ Nairuk and me decided let us rest our bodies for a while because there are more battles to be fought and to be won.

Scene: Sunday Morning

Slept through it.

Scene: Sunday Afternoon

Was woken up against my wishes (furquan was getting mighty impatient by then. His presentation was due monday and he hadn't even started working on it). But then every Spartan has his guilty pleasures, and so I waited till coke and my smokes were delivered to me. And turns out it is onam too, and the Spartans are in a mood for a good hearty meal after all the boring work of fighting a million persian mosquitoes under the shade.

But then by the time we finished the presentation all the places which serve the Onam Sadya (feast, just a fancy name Sadya). So settled for some not so awesome Chicken Biryani (because I did not order it) and some Awesome Mix-Fried Rice (because I ordered it.).

Dogilivy had to leave for office (on a sunday dominic, dude, seriously you need to get a life). So Bachu and me walked our way back and were talking matters far more important than world peace. That of my stand to hit on no-woman who doesn't pass the JD test.

The JD test is nothing but the reflex action of one's jaws by the awesome gravitational pull of earth. To be more precise Jaw Dropping. Though it was decided upon that the most awesome woman had to be a JDC category. A jaw-dropping-cute girl for those uninitiated into the language of spartans and spartan woman.

Scene: Saturday evening

The spartan's had their siestas and were contemplating on whether to watch the most awesome movie ever (this movie ranks somewhere in the middle of the awesome movie list which shall be duly published in due course of time as a hardback), or to continue the championship.


Before this unknown to anyone, Mahesh (the hunch-backed spartan, who is not exactly lives in sparta but lives in exile) had come to visit his mother-land. And did the unthinkable.

Warning: Those who do not like Ajit Agarkar, the GREATEST CRICKETER EVER. Please shut the fuck up. You do not want me to whoop your non-existent-spartan arse to oblivion. It is very ugly.

*****CENSOR***** (the conversation and how the hunchback was put to his proper place is something so ****** up that I only wish that we the spartan's are not forced to deal this again)

The games resumed. And ended.

But the night had just started for both DJ Nairuk, Hunchback Makila and me. So apart from all the inspiring speeches made by both DJ Nairuk and me, which soon put the shameless constant shit talking hunchback to sleep.

And this was just the turn of events which unleashed the myth of Phantom, Mandrake and Lothar (who I really think exist in Bangla and Xandu, just have to find this place and then it will be more awesome than awesome itself). Not only did it revive old Jungle saying " Phantom doesn't die" which is true. And Russel peter's !Xioble.

But then spartans also have jobs which they need to go, so that they get paid for to maintain Sparta. And like all good things come to an end.

This legendary weekend too came to an end. Only to give way to many more to come in future.

ps: Am planning to make 301: Spartan - The next rising into a franchise. It will soon have part 2,3,4,...

pps: Kurian, when you finish reading this make sure you f***ing get the Geyser fixed. =)

ppps: That only. =)


Anonymous said...

too much tv soap thing there!..
NTL,cool work!....

Zennmaster said...

TV??? *biggest loudest crashing sound ever* You restricting the spartans to jus TV... hold on your to your panties/undies (depending on your gender or your fetish) cos the Spartans are gonna be everywhere all over again...

Ria said...

LOL! :)

n nw quickie grammar/vocab lesson:

buy --> Bought (past tense) --> purchasing an article/service with money

Bring-->Brought (past tense)--> get something (to carry, convey, conduct, or cause)

for more info, **smirk**

:D betcha u hate me already, to hv corrected u, spartan :P

Bachu said...

Awesome Yaar.
301 the spartans arose.............

no comparisons for the hunchback spartan...................

(spartan commander)