Sunday, 1 April 2007


Yea I mean its been really long time since I just sat at home and din do much, I mean not that i was flooded with options and choices and I just shut down. No sir, the situation arose cause of a state sponsered bandh, so that more or less blew out the candle in the wind enthu I was carrying forward from friday when the awesome news that cause of some fuckol RBI shit, I wouldn't be getting salary, not till wednesday, so that makes this month too be a 35 day long month, fucking irony when you consider the last month to be the shortest in the whole year.

Hmm... I told you that I am finally beginning to grow old, talking about money and shit. Damn, miss the days when I used to go flick some loose change from the table and go spend on some classy centre fresh before i start my run up and deliver some pain inflicting deliveries on whoever is the miserable soul at the batting end. Ok, ( bitch slapping myself ) " Snap out of it Dude ".

Anyway, off late me been asked to answer these set of questions, I like to call them as identity questions. They range from " so where you from?" to "__________ " ( jus fill in the blanks mate ) . I mean sure I know the answers but I love to feign innocence, not cause I love the confused state people seem to associate me with. So here I am answering some questions which I always avoid answering with a straight answer:

Q: Whats your Name?

A: well it depends, if you are related to my mum's side, then the name called upon which am supposed to grunt to indicate that its me are " Mintoo ", " I " ( yes, that is the letter I, don ask me why? cos i Donno myself but my grandpa loves to call me that...) " Arvind ."

If you are from my dad's side then you would most certainly refer me as " ramu" not like ramu kaka, the full name is supposed to Ramakrishna, imagine me being called that. Hmm.. a different world perhaps.

Now, If you are my friends, depending on pre-name nameolgist or post that, the name will differ, Now prior to me being taken to the nameoligst ( yes nameologist, not a numerologist) where I chose the name " Athul " ( the remaining names where all 11 - 16 letters long and made your tongue do all sorts of yoga positions ) And I pictured myself introducing to women as

1. " Hi, my name is Arvind" ( din actually elicit the response I would have wanted )
2. " Hi, my name is Athul " ( here the women go "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" Athul do me right here right now ) ( now this is wat I was talking about )

Though there have been other names too like AC, or CS, yea so take your pick from anything, you are welcome to call me an asshole ( i somehow derive pleasure from being called one )

Q: So where you from?

A: I have no fucking Idea, I mean my parents are from Madras, or so I have been told, they could be part of some top secret military operation where disclosing of these information may prove to be dangerous to their mission. Though I ll consider myself as a delhi, others esp my mum will beg to differ and call me a tamilian ( I wonder why??? ) Maybe i feature in the conspiracy i donno... so delhi it is.

Q: Whats your Mother Tongue?

A: Now, this is something you can only hear in India, and this means you are supposed to answer your native language, like mentioned before I have time and again reminded that it is supposed to tamil, but from my defense all i gotta say is that i don even think in that language, I do a lot of my thinking in hindi and english ( Oh am a big time nationalist, so all you hindi illiterates learn hindi before i barrage you with a nationalist speech about you being a paki ugly whore, turns out all paki women look HOOOOTTTT!!! ) . So I ll say its hindi.

Q: So which school you from ?

A: Ok, i studied in 13 schools, including the kindergarden, now if you could specify which part of india you would be refering to and which school in particular, I could tell you about it. Though i passed out from this school called PSBB, I do not associate myself with it. It was a culture shock of a different voltage, almost fucking killed me mind you. But if you ask me I loved studying in K.V pitam pura, Delhi.

Q: So whats your religion?

A: I like to live the zen buddhist way, but more often than not to against my own liking i get dragged around to all these hindu functions which makes me doubt if am a hindu, though my mum will swear she is one, staunch one at that. And no i don believe in hinduism or any other religion, I just think its some major consipracy like the one in orwell's 1984.

Q: Are you crazy?

A: usually people tend to call me that at one point of time or another, but i like t think otherwise, but I have never been entirely sure if it was meant to be in a good way or a bad way.

By the time, i usually finish giving answers to all these Qs, the ticker line in people's mind begins to read " W-E-I-R-D ", but again i donno if they are asking me that or saying it. So there you have it.

ps: if you have anymore identity Qs please feel free to drop in the comments section and I would love to answer them for you, I have reached a point where instead of grimacing at these Qs beginning to take pleasure in answering them. =p


Ria said...

RAMU?? Ramakrishna?? :O

**snort snort**

no offense.. bt i sure cant imagine u being called that... misnomer alert! ;D

Anonymous said...

hehehehe damn its hilarious!! wat the fuck happ to u..
tul i am damn serious when i say this.. write a coloumn!! in some newspaper or magazine.. send it wats the harm??

Zennmaster said...

Ya ya... will do all that in due course of time... right now i got bigger things on hand to finish first... =)