Well the picture says it all doesn it. My love affair with the cancer stick started in december 01, and it has continued till now, and i loved every single moment i spent with it. It had everything i can ever expect of a girl.
From the strong fragrance, which mentally stimulated my senses, eased my thoughts when i went in my trademark brain fucking sessions, even though I knew it is gonna fuck me up like any other girl later on, I was jus in too much in love with it. It was what certain people like to refer as addiction and what i would love to term it as obsession. I started not because of peer preasure or any other whole load of crap people generally talk about. It was the chemistry few people experience in their lifetime with somebody else. Its touch, the feel, the kiss.... everything about it was soooo perfect.
I never had to bother about not paying too much attention, or be dejected that it wasn't there when i need it the most cause it is just too busy to find time for me. For her i was there, i struck with her even when she got a little bit pricey, and she in turn returned the favor by sticking with me and calming me down, when my first girl-friend left me, when i got suspended out of college, when shit happened at home... She was there for me.
But now i gotta ask her to ease out of my life, i have given her too much importance and have got too defensive about her when people used to tell her what a bitch she becomes when she takes over your life, i knew all about it even before i bedded her, but i was just crazy about her, madly in love with her, in love with the way she used to graze my lips ever so slightly with her butt, which not many girls actually let you do that, i mean how many girls actually are open to doing it in the butt, answer not many, the ones who do i dont know about them. The point being she let me do her anyway i wanted, and she was always was up for anything, irrespective if i wanted to do rings with her (though it sounds like some sorta mean ass BDSM activity you shoud try it, it is not anything like that). I loved her and will always love her.
I mean she was what no friend was to me, she was what no woman was for me, she was everything and now i gotta leave her, leave her for a real woman, a woman who am assured is all this and so much more, even though the cancer stick pampered me and made me look funny even when i knew i had a non-existential sense of humor, like some of my friends non-existential asses and breasts ;) the cancer stick made me feel that i was funny and i was something and not just another bum, a whole load of memeories are associated with her, spent laughing with my friends time spent talking over the phone, she was there.
Now i have stop going to the places where i used to make love to her, and watch her tease me tantalisingly from the corner shop shelf, now i have to stop doing all this, and if you are wondering why? why am i leaving her if i love her so much? love her more than anything else, moer than myself more than say whatever it is i love passionately.
The answer is simple, because i have found a woman ( who is not exactly keen on the ass thing like all the other woman i have met... hehehe... ) who i love her, more than life, more than the cigarettes, more than life and love itself. I know and i believe that she will be all that and more this lovely beauty in white and brown paper was.
I have seen her lift me by saying the most mundane stuff, she makes me feel a bigger and a better man and made me realise that i really don't need the cancer stick as my arm candy to make me feel wanted and feel loved. But am gonna miss her, there will be instances when i will try and drop everything and go running back to her and kiss and be reassured that she still hasn't left me but now i realise that her love has left me handicapped and i wanna get over it now.
I am not gonna let any woman for that matter to run my life, i have been screwed a lot many times by women to trust them again, but with this new love in my life and like all rules there is always an exception. But yeah am a fool and fools do rush in, so here i go again placing my trust in this woman to save me from my pervious self destructive lifestyle. And i pray to god she does.
Well bottom line am leaving the arms and the lingering taste of one woman i loved into the arms of another, and pray to god that she doesn screw me over like the rest of them have...